10 Things That Happen When You're A Fat Desi Woman

Does my double chin scare you, Aunty?

1. Everyone will use the term "healthy" to describe you gaining weight.

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Usually in the English language, calling someone "healthy" means they are probably working out, eating fruits and veggies, or just looking refreshed and active. Sadly, that's not the case in the Desi community. You know "healthy" is a negative term if you're a Desi person. Aunties and Uncles galore will use the term "healthy" to describe someone having gained weight since they last saw them. They get bonus points for doing a little hand motion indicating that a person has put on some pounds.

One of the most condescending things that happens in the Desi community is people sitting around and talking about how "healthy" (i.e. "fat" in their eyes) someone has gotten.

2. Everyone and their mamas (literally) will make unwanted remarks about how to lose weight.

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Once people have noticed that you've gained weight, be prepared to hear all the comments about how smoothies and salads are the best things ever and keep you full for hours. You'll get a textbook's worth of recipes from people telling you how to make salads, smoothies, and drinks to aid in your weight loss. Drink this twice in the morning, eat this before bed, do this exercise 20 times a day.

You'll be forced to smile and nod to not be seen as "rude" or "unthankful" for this unwanted health advice, meanwhile, you're probably internally ripping your hair out.

3. You won't want to go to any events or weddings where there's a lot of Desi people.

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God, Desi events are nightmares, especially weddings, where everyone is trying to outdo one another. What should be a joyful occasion, usually turns into a competition with who can lose the most weight by the big day and whose clothes are the fanciest (I've even seen some people try to outdo the bride!) Everyone is always so judgy and cliquey at these events. You can feel their stares and whispers whenever you walk into the room. Desi events should be called The Judgy Olympics.

And when it's time for pictures, you'll try to avoid being in them because you don't want to be the biggest person there, only drawing more attention to yourself. You learn to try and hide your body as much as possible when you're a fat person.

4. You'll start to hate taking pictures of your body or you will try to edit your pictures to look "skinnier" so people don't talk as much crap.

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Speaking from personal experience, I have maybe 2 or 3 full-body shots from the last few years since I started gaining weight. In the rare cases that I do take pics of myself, I only take face selfies. One of my friends requested full-body pics to draw cartoon versions of her friends, and I realized how little I've documented myself and my body all these years because of how much time I spent hating it. And I know this hate only partially came intrinsically, the rest was from people making remarks and comments about my body all these years. Looking at my camera roll made me realize how much I'll miss not documenting myself and taking pictures, even if I look "too fat" in them. I want to be able to look at myself during all the phases of my life and at all ages. I can't do that if I refuse to be in and taking any pictures because of my fatness.

It's time to start taking full-body pics. Your body deserves to be seen and appreciated, in all of its glory, no matter how much space it takes. A woman's worth shouldn't be dependent on how little of a space she can take up. We out here man spreadin' from now on!

5. You will not find Desi clothes that fit you...like, anywhere.

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It is extremely hard to find nice Desi outfits as a plus-sized gal. Most of the outfits are made for people under a size 8. It's a little better in America with Western clothing because usually, you can find specialty stores that carry up to size 4X or 5X. But that's not the case with Desi stores or any clothing boutique back home. You'll probably have to get your clothes custom made if you travel to a South-Asian country like Pakistan, India, or Bangladesh. And even then, the tailor will make some off-handed remark about you being "absolutely sure these are the correct measurements."

Someone, please create a Desi boutique for plus-sized girls! It would make shopping less stressful and so much easier! (Dare I say, fun?)

6. People will tell you how pretty you could be if you lost the weight or how pretty you used to be before you gained all the weight.

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For goodness sake, do NOT tell people they would look pretty if they lost the weight. That is a backhanded, passive-aggressive comment, and fat people would rather you just SHUT UP and not say anything than make those kinds of comments.

I don't need to lose weight to be pretty. I am pretty. I am fat. Those two things can be mutual. As someone who has gained a lot of weight, I knew I was pretty before. But I also know I'm gorgeous now. My weight has nothing to do with how attractive I want to appear to you.

And what makes you think I'm looking to attract you anyways?

7. People will start making comments to your parents or close family members about you, behind your back, and you'll start feeling terrible because you don't want your parents to feel ashamed of you.

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People talk crap all the time in the Desi community. That's what they do. But it hurts the most when they start gossipping about you behind your back to your parents or siblings. They'll start telling your mom how she should really convince you to work out so you can find a good husband. Or they'll tell your sister that she should encourage you to eat healthily. If you're Desi, you know that parents value others' opinions a lot, and so you'll slowly start to feel ashamed for being their daughter. You'll notice your dad doesn't look at you the same and you'll hear your mom start making subtle comments about how lots of people in the community have lost weight and maybe your entire family should start switching to a no-carb or no-sugar diet.

It doesn't hurt when random people talk crap. It doesn't even hurt when your friends or extended family make some passive-aggressive comments. But boy, does it hurt when your own parents start feeling ashamed to have a fat daughter.

8. If you are unmarried, people will gossip about how you'll have a hard time finding a partner. If you're married, people will gossip about how you'll "keep your partner interested."

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Desi people will make your life a living hell if you're still a single woman and fat. They'll talk about how it will be hard to find you a "good husband" and how much easier it would be if you just lost some weight. They'll tell you that no man wants a "fat wife" and that you should start working out so you can get married before you're "too old."

If you're already married, it's just as worse. And GOD HELP YOU if you're bigger than your husband. Nobody will let you live it down. Some of your own family members and friends will pull you aside and tell you how you need to "lose weight" because you have to "keep your man" and "keep him interested." Yes, because husbands are little kids that you have to dangle some candy in front of to keep them "interested."

We marry adults, not children who need to have their attention "kept." And if you need to "lose weight" to get married to someone, they probably aren't that great of a person anyway. People should want to marry you because of who you are, not how much you weigh or how you look.

9. You will realize that your worth has nothing to do with your weight. And the people that make it seem that way are miserable, miserable people.

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Let's get one thing straight, no one should be talking about anyone else's body. Period. It doesn't matter if you weigh 100, 200, 300, 400, or 500 pounds. Someone else's body is NOT your concern if you aren't their prescribed doctor. It doesn't matter if they're your friend, your cousin, your coworker, or a random stranger on the street.

Because here's the thing, we fat people know we're fat. We know how much we weigh. We know about our bodies, our health, our selves. We don't need other people to tell us. We don't need anyone else to comment on it.

If someone is going out of their way to make you feel bad about your body, know that it is not your fault. It will never be your fault. They are just miserable and sad with themselves. I promise y'all, nobody who is happy in their life is leaving hate comments for fat people on the internet. Nobody who is truly content with themselves is commenting on other people's weight. It's always people who have something to prove or those who need to fill an empty void inside of themselves.

Your worth has nothing to do with your weight. It never has, and it never will.

And it's also okay, if you aren't there just yet.

10. You will realize you are a badass who doesn't care about anyone else's opinion, and you will live. your. life.

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As a plus-sized Desi person, you will realize that all the shit that happens to you and that people say about you doesn't make you any less awesome than you've always been, currently are, and always will be. Let them say shit, you know that you are the shit.

The Desi community needs to take a long hard look at its fatphobia and fat-shaming culture. This won't happen overnight. Every Desi person should hold themselves to higher standards and topics of conversation other than other people's weights and body shapes and types.

But in the meantime, to all my plus-sized Desi babes, please know your worth and value. Y'all are badasses who shine bright. I promise that you are worth more than the skin you are in. And it's okay if you aren't totally in love with your body right now. It took me years to realize that my body is what has saved me and protected me and kept me warm and safe all these years, and maybe I should stop spending so much time hating it, and start loving it more. Our bodies are the only homes we have.

Just know that you are appreciated and you matter. Now go be a badass, queen.