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How To Be An Asshole: On The Subway

If you use the subway as your primary mode of transportation, you're probably bored of its monotony. Instead of sitting quietly and playing Candy Crush on your way to work every day, why not mix things up and be an asshole for your next ride? It will make things way more entertaining if everyone is staring at you and hating your guts, so next time the workweek has you down, try out any or all of these tips on how to be an asshole on the subway!

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First of all, smoke a really pungent cigarette right outside the entrance to your train. As soon as you finish the cigarette, hold your breath until you are on the subway, and then breathe in everyone's faces.

Before you board the train, hold the doors for as long as you can. When the conductor replays the "Please stand clear of the closing doors" message, just consider it a challenge. When the doors finally close, yell that you need to get off the train.

Prepare your next meal; time is limited when you have to commute, so bring your cutting board and knives with you. Onions are a particularly good choice for the subway.

Treat the rest of the passengers as the other people in a game of "Honey, Do You Love Me?" Walk from person to person, hitting on them with the exact same line, and see if you can get any dates.

Bring your screaming child with you and hand it to an unsuspecting passenger, saying, "could you just hold him for one second?" Don't take the baby back until you get to your stop.

Encourage your children (or any other children on your subway car) to be as annoying as possible. Cheer them on when they do something particularly frustrating.

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