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    How To Be An Asshole: On The Subway

    If you use the subway as your primary mode of transportation, you're probably bored of its monotony. Instead of sitting quietly and playing Candy Crush on your way to work every day, why not mix things up and be an asshole for your next ride? It will make things way more entertaining if everyone is staring at you and hating your guts, so next time the workweek has you down, try out any or all of these tips on how to be an asshole on the subway!

    First of all, smoke a really pungent cigarette right outside the entrance to your train. As soon as you finish the cigarette, hold your breath until you are on the subway, and then breathe in everyone's faces.

    Via Google Images

    Before you board the train, hold the doors for as long as you can. When the conductor replays the "Please stand clear of the closing doors" message, just consider it a challenge. When the doors finally close, yell that you need to get off the train.

    Via Google Images

    Take up as many seats as possible when you sit down.

    Via Google Images

    Better yet, just sit on someone else.

    Via Giphy.com

    If you get tired, which you invariably will, tell people you are having a medical emergency and need to lay down. Proceed to nap.

    Via Google Images

    Pretend you know how to do cool subway stunts, but really just use it as an excuse to kick people in the face.

    Via Google Images

    Get in a fight with your significant other and throw your phone at the other end of the subway car.

    Via Google Images

    Decide that it is absolutely not an option to ever wait for another train. You can fit.

    Via Google Images

    Cut your nails. Make sure to scatter your nail clippings all over the floor. Or throw them at people.

    Via Google Images

    Prepare your next meal; time is limited when you have to commute, so bring your cutting board and knives with you. Onions are a particularly good choice for the subway.

    Via Google Images

    Get to know people: there is no better way to make friends than to invade someone's personal space.

    Via Giphy.com

    Treat the subway as your personal moving van. Why pay for movers when the subway is more convenient?

    Via Google Images

    Walk around farting on people, and then complain loudly that the subway smells bad. Choose an innocent bystander to blame it on.

    Via Google Images

    Treat the rest of the passengers as the other people in a game of "Honey, Do You Love Me?" Walk from person to person, hitting on them with the exact same line, and see if you can get any dates.

    Via Google Images

    Bring your screaming child with you and hand it to an unsuspecting passenger, saying, "could you just hold him for one second?" Don't take the baby back until you get to your stop.

    Via Google Images

    Make out passionately with your significant other. Or just a stranger who seems down.

    Via Google Images

    Preach about whatever you're feeling passionate about that day: Jesus, atheism, bagels... whatever floats your boat.

    Orange Is the New Black / Via Google Images

    Encourage your children (or any other children on your subway car) to be as annoying as possible. Cheer them on when they do something particularly frustrating.

    Despicable Me / Via Google Images

    Do your very best to make every single person don this expression at some point during your commute.

    America's Next Top Model / Via Google Images
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