1. Ignore Any Articles That State You Can Read Your Partner's Mind Based On Five or Ten Things They Do
A relationship is different for everyone. You and your partner (or partners) are the people who make the rules, not society and not the media. And guess what? More than often, the media's mold of what is normal usually tends to be very unhealthy. And this is very true when it comes to relationships.
Because of this, many people think that "well if your partner isn't acting the way society says a partner should then obviously it means there is something wrong".
You've seen the articles before, right? The whole Ten Signs Your Boyfriend Wants To Break Up or the Five Easy-To-Spot Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Interested In Some One Else . Well guess what? Not everyone is built the same way!
Different actions mean different things for different people!
* When I don't feel like talking it means that I feel sad, but when my boyfriend says he doesn't feel like talking it means he's frustrated!
* When I talk fast it means I'm panicking and scared, but when my best friend does the same thing it means she's excited and happy about something
* When I panic I start to shake, but when my boyfriend panics he stays perfectly still
Different things affect people differently and that's why you can't tell if your partner is uninterested by a basic list.
2. Fact-Check If You Do Search Online For Help
If you do search on the internet for help with relationships, then you need to be prepared to fact-check every thing they tell you. Make sure wherever you get your information from doesn't think that relationships should only work one way (whether they're against polyamory, same sex relationships, etc.) because even if you're in a straight, monogamous relationship then the website will most likely try to tell you that even those kinds of relationships have to shape into a specific mold.
Here are some basic false statements that tons of websites will tell you, followed by the correct statement beneath.
#1 Myth: It's healthy for people in a relationship to have fights often, in fact if you never fight in your relationship then there's a very huge chance that your partner is uninterested.
Fact: It's very unhealthy to have fights often in a relationship. Having discussions about your disagreements or issues is healthy, and if you have a verbal argument a couple of times then it doesn't mean your relationship is automatically unhealthy. But, if your partner and you yell at eachother, call each other names (in a non-joking manner), bring eachother down, throw objects at each other, hit /punch / kick / physically hurt eachother, or more then your relationship is very unhealthy. Fighting is not healthy in a relationship. Resolving an argument is different than fighting.
#2 Myth: If your partner suddenly does not want sex then they are losing interest or have already lost interest and are having sex with someone else.
Fact: Sex drives work differently for different people. Some people want sex multiple times a week for four months straight and then suddenly take a break for a month or two! Some people only want sex once a week or once a month! Some people want sex only on special occasions and some people don't want to have sex at all! Sex can be a very important part of a relationship, but it doesn't have to be.
It's good to talk about your partner about how the both of you view sex and how important you want it to be in your relationship. If they don't want it at all (yes, even if they're a guy) then it doesn't mean they don't love you!
(( they could also be physically ill or beginning to get mentally ill if their sex drive is unusually high or unusually low so you might want them to check with a doctor top ))
#3 Myth: If your partner suddenly starts talking more to the gender they're attracted to, then it means they're planning on replacing you.
Fact: Although this could be true, it isn't nessicarily. Your partner could simply trying to make more friends. If this makes you insecure then just make sure to tell your partner, "Your new friends make me feel insecure and jealous, could you maybe check up on me every so often with a text just to make sure I'm doing okay when you hang out with them". Just don't control who your partner becomes friend with... because that's abusive.
3. Pay Attention To Your Partner
Pay attention to how your partner's personality is, how they react to certain things, their mood, everything! I'm not saying you have to follow them everywhere or get scared with every little interaction, but just pay attention and watch for the thinhe they do that seem out of their character.
When you do spot something, ask yourself these questions:
1. Have they been acting like this a lot or was this the first time?
2. Am I blowing this out of proportion? (( was this a big deal or a small deal? ))
3. Could this be the result of something else? (( did they not eat/drink enough today, was their boss being an ass to them, do they have regular mood swings, etc ))
4. Could I have been taking their reaction the wrong way?
5. Am I assuming what they feel based on my own feelings (( "He's going to break up with me because I'm not good at anything" rather than "Well he's openly stated that he doesn't think I'm not good at anything so why would he break up with me for an opinion he doesn't have?" ))
Imagine you get home from work or school and you and your partner are hanging out. On the way home your partner was silent and blank faces and when you ask if they're okay they just say "Today was kind of rough for me". You're twenty minutes into watching a movie on the TV when you reach over to put your arm around them, but they push your arm off. You suddenly start to think, "Oh no, they're going to break up with me! They lost interest! They're bored of me!". So you ask yourself the questions.
"1. They act like this whenever they've had a rough day.
2. They were fine yesterday, so I think I was blowing things out of proportion when I thought they'd break up with me over one bad day.
3. If they are telling the truth, then it wasn't my fault that they're upset. They were just having a rough day.
4. I took their reaction personally, so maybe it did take it the wrong way.
5. I think I was assuming things. I should really just talk to them."
After answering the questions to yourself, you ask your partner to tell you about their day. After venting, they feel much better and you two cuddle on the couch.
5. Talk To Your Partner
It may be way too easy to tell your partner everything at once or nothing at all. Hitting the in between is kind of difficult, so here's some things you could start conversation with.
" It seems like something's been bothering you. Did I do something or was it something else, and how can I help?"
" I feel like there's a bit of distance between us, has there been something bothering you lately? Are you okay?"
" I've been feeling kind of insecure lately, I'm kind of scared that you might be losing interest. Is everything okay with you? Is there something you want to work on in our relationship?"
And of course, you have to prepare yourself with whatever the answer might be such as..
- They want to break up just because things aren't working out
Who knows! The possibilities are endless! It might even end up being a small issue or just nothing at all.
The main thing in a relationship is to communicate with each other.