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  • Could You Survive A Chucky Attack?

    Let’s be honest, evil dolls are a dime a dozen. This true story has brought me many sleepless nights and has lead me to wonder how can we defeat a Chucky? I now offer you a 5 dont’s and 5 do’s to survive this inevitable encounter. Don’t 1.) Don’t throw him! Charles and all living dolls are quick motherfuckers. When you launch a living doll you give them many options, the most obvious being a chance to crawl into a tiny hole. This tiny hole could keep them hidden long enough to regain their tiny plastic strength. DON’T DO IT!!! 2.) Hide all jumpropes-Do you remember that moment in Child’s Play 2 when Chucky tied up Andy? I do…you are easy prey for your evil demon doll if you don’t toss all of those useless handcuffs/jumpropes and regular ropes out the door. 3.) Don’t Let The Doll Speak- These dolls no evil spells and they want to steal your body. Just keep yelling…jam your fingers into their little plastic mouths and pray to god they won’t bite down. 4.) Live in the future-Seeing as this is still the 90’s (right?) I hear that evil dolls are no longer a problem that people in the year 2011 no longer suffer from. If you have the ability to cryogenically freeze yourself…do that. 5.) Remove all metal objects from your house-Metal is a dolls weapon of choice. Sharp weapons will cause puncture wounds all over your weak body. Don’t let the doll get you. 5 things you should do 1.) Grab the doll by the feet and swing-dolls are notoriously dizzy creatures. If you swing a doll for longer than a minute it will cause them to become confused. Once confused you can strike. 2.) Put them in the microwave- Melt the hell out of those fuckers. 3.)Play dead-Their fingers can’t take pulses, they won’t even notice you…just like a t-rex. 4.) Learn how to catfight-Even if you aren’t a girl dolls tend to believe in the biting and gnashing of teeth style of fighting. Learning to catfight will be in your best interest. 5.)Don’t buy dolls-That’s probably your best bet. Watch Video ›

  • What Batman Forever Taught A 90’s Child

    Ask any 90’s child what a blockbuster film is and many will answer with one film…this is total bullshit but it’s what I would answer. Batman Forever taught me about the magic of the movies, explosions, chicks digging cars and rubber nipples. I have taken these life lessons into my life and have caused me to often wonder if I should make my car glow…ooor…maybe buy a leather jacket. Thanks Joel Schumacher for Batman Forever…Fuck you Joel Schumacher for Batman and Robin. View Image ›

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