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28 Desi Greetings Online Vs. What They Really Symbolise

"Hi lukin so sweet." -- You are better off blocking me, if not reporting alone.

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1. "Hello ma'am :-)" -- Really hoping to get a response, but will also be bitter if you reply.

2. "Hi mam h r u :)" -- I will get really aggressive if you don't reply.

3. "Hi :D :D" -- I need a favour.

4. "Hey :) Would you have a moment?" -- Please read my piece. Or rate my artwork. If I see a "seen," I'm linking you to it.

5. "Salam" -- I am very likely a family member you already regret adding.

6. "Salamzzz" -- I am a younger family member you definitely don't want to interact with online.

7. "Kesa hai?" -- Haven't talked to you in a while and I miss you but we're both males so this is as mushy as it gets for one day.

8. "U dere" -- I haven't talked to you in ever and I kinda need a favour but let's have a chat lacking any enthusiasm to unstiffen this.

9. "Hi spicy n hawt lady" -- I have never seen a human boob in person, please talk to me.

10. "Hi babby lookin sooo sweet" -- I expect you to respond to this. Hope your standards are depressingly low.

11. "Wuddup?" -- I listened to Notorious B.I.G. a lot for a whole year and I would really like you to know this.

12. "Sup, ma n***a?" -- Don't expect me to not piss you off further down this conversation, because I promise I will.

13. "Hi 😜" -- I never want to grow up. And this isn't even, like, a charming kind of childishness. You probably won't reply, it's okay.


14. "Hey xx :)" -- This is your friend, but more likely cousin. It's been at least three years since I've been living in Australia/UK. Just hoping you acknowledge it now.

15. "Namaste, respected ma'am/sir :)" -- Please find my CV attached. Frankly, I'm only respecting you and sending you a smiley for employment.

16. "Assalamoalaikum" -- So by the way, we will never ever become informal.

17. "Come down" -- Literally have no time for pleasantries. Get your ass downstairs; I'm in my car.

18. "heyy w0tsup?" -- There is a number in my greeting. Kindly do not trust me, like, ever.

19. "Hi, do u want to sex" -- Block and report me immediately.

20. "HeY hOwZ iT gOiNg HmMm? =))" -- I never recovered from the early 2000s. Run away from your computer, if possible.

21. "::Insert your name, followed by a full-stop or ellipses::" This is about to get so serious and dramatic. Hope you're prepared.

22. "Can u pls help me get jobe at ::insert name of the company you work for::?" -- I have lost my chances but don't realise it. At all.

23. "Like ma photography pg plx ::insert link::" -- Yo, fuck you. I don't care about no greetings. Just 'like' my mediocrity. It's an order.

24. "Waow. Nice DP. Attraction......." -- You are a dark-skinned woman and this the staple compliment used on you, so here goes.

25. "Can I ask a question plz? ☺" -- Haven't really thought of anything yet but this seems like a great way to get you to respond.

25. "May I say an esteemed hello to u beutiful lady??" -- I'm trying really hard and the rest of this message is full of out-of-context vocabulary, which makes me deserve a reply at least, come on.

26. "😘 😘" -- Haha, what's funny is that this is my first message ever to you, and I've already ruined my chances of ever having a conversation.

27. "Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz accept ma friend request" -- Not even subtle about this shit. Appreciate my straightforwardness.

28. "Wow. So innoxent pic. :)" -- Don't even open this message. Only preview.