1.If you haven't been told you're totally useless in life because you can't refill water bottles and keep them back in the fridge...YOU AIN'T DESI ENOUGH.
2.If you have a session of full-fledged gossip and don't say "Who caaaares?" at the end, YOU AIN'T EVEN MILDLY DESI.
3.If your parents let you lock your room when you were a teenager, U AIN'T FROM HERE, BRUH.
4.If you've never slapped the shit out of the remote control because it wasn't working, YOU AIN'T DESI WHATSOEVVV.
5.If you or your family have never carefully opened gifts so the wrapping paper is still reusable, YOU = ANYTHING BUT DESI.
6.If you've never received a family member at the airport with the entire rest of the fam tagging along, YOU SOMETHING ELSE, NOT DESI.
7.If you don't have a special showcase in which crockery is kept ~only~ for the guests, WE'RE REVOKING YOUR DESI CARD.
8.If you haven't claimed the cricket match was "fixed" after your team lost, THE DES ISN'T WHERE YA FROM.
9.And if you didn't call it "bat ball," even once as a kid, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU.
10.If you didn't make up your own cricket rules while playing in your street, GET YOURSELF CHECKED U AIN'T DESI.
11.If you don't have five odd toothbrushes in the bathroom that no one uses, GIVE BACK THE MELANIN.
12.If you aren't awfully emotionally attached to spicy instant noodles, WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE: NOT DESI.
13.If you've never called a shopkeeper "uncle," "bhaiyya," or "boss," YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS HERE: U AIN'T DESI.
14.If you're a male whose dad never EVER disapproved of his hair, WELL, CHECK YOUR LINEAGE CUZ U AIN'T DESI ENOUGH.
15.If you tell your parents a joke and they laugh without turning it into a life lesson story somehow, CHECK URSELF CUZ YOU. AIN'T. DESI.
16.If you don't like washing down super-spicy desi food with a mouth-blazing sip of cola, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT JUST WHITE?
17.If your T-shirts don't go from new > old > tatters > pyjamas > floor mop, DO YOU EVEN DESI, BRO?
