back to top

An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Mujhse Dosti Karoge"

This movie could have been completely avoided if they had invested in webcams.

Posted on

The film opens to Mr. Khanna leaving Shimla for London with his wife and kids to start his tech business. His friends are banterfully bidding him farewell.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Khanna's son Raj is saying goodbye to his BFF Tina, and Tina honestly couldn't give two fucks about him. For some reason, there is also a Pooja there who thinks she's relevant, but Raj always makes sure she knows she isn't.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Raj reaches London and starts emailing Tina on day one because that adolescent thirst is real. Tina is uninterested. There's only one problem: POOJA IS WRITING BACK AS FUCKIN' TINA.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

This catfishing goes on for 15 WHOLE YEARS, and no photos are ever exchanged, I haven't a fucking clue as to why.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Raj is in love with "Tina" and Pooja is madly in love with him too. Now he's coming back to India and guess who's busted.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

These girls are apparently besties but Pooja has never even told Tina that she talks to Raj, let alone that she talks to him as her. Some besties.

Pooja comes clean to Tina.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Aaaaaaand Raj arrives without giving the least aerial of flying fucks about Pooja. He tells Tina "You've grown up so beautiful!" and literally tells Pooja "Oh you've grown up too," RIGHT AFTER, RIGHT THERE.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Not just this, Tina who was uninterested and oblivious this whole time suddenly starts flirting at level 9000 with Raj. Who ISN'T a bitch in this movie?

Tina falls in love with Raj as well. And Raj can barely believe how perfect everything is, but in reality, things are actually worse than his acting. Only Pooja knows.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

A week has gone by, so how come NOBODY KNOWS YET? THERE ARE ENOUGH RED FLAGS UP IN THIS BITCH FOR IT TO BE A COMMUNIST NEIGHBOURHOOD.

Why hasn't Pooja told Tina she likes Raj? Why isn't that already obvious to Tina? Why is Pooja pushing Tina to like and flirt with Raj????

TINA LITERALLY CALLED RAJ "MR. AMERICA" BECAUSE SHE FORGOT HE'S FROM BRITAIN, BUT HE DOESN'T NOTICE?

Raj and Pooja become "just friends". He says he has never had a female friend (Side note: Please avoid guys who have never had any female friends, what a fucking weirdo this dude is).

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Meanwhile, Raj and Tina are getting unnecessarily sexy-frisky at FAMILY PICNICS, of all places. Elders in the back are judging hardcore.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Raj and Tina's rishta gets pakka.

Neither Raj nor Tina is asked for approval. They could just be casual-dating, but hey who cares? Parents decide everything.THIS WHOLE FILM IS JUST A COMPILATION OF ACTIONS BASED ON ONE ASSUMPTION AFTER ANOTHER.
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Neither Raj nor Tina is asked for approval. They could just be casual-dating, but hey who cares? Parents decide everything.

THIS WHOLE FILM IS JUST A COMPILATION OF ACTIONS BASED ON ONE ASSUMPTION AFTER ANOTHER.

Raj leaves for London, and Pooja visits to apply to a uni. There, she accidentally hums the same church tune Raj composed as a kid, and had sent to "Tina" over email.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh
Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

They decide they're too in love to let things go the way they are going, and go back to India to tell everyone, only to be greeted by this shit.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Pooja forces Raj to marry Tina, who is now an orphan.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

In case this movie wasn't already shit enough, Uday Chopra shows up to woo Pooja. I've never seen someone play an unplugged electric guitar as confidently as this awful guy.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

You HAVE to be as deluded as Uday to literally make your entry singing, “A dark-skinned girl, she dreams of someone. Is it me?” Like, NO, bhai jaan, no one’s ever seen you before in this whole movie, WHO IS U, SIR. WHO IS U? PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR SEAT.

We find out that Raj is so EXTRA that he BROUGHT this guy to extend the whole "we both marry on the same day" revenge situation with Pooja.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Pooja is really not into it.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

At Tina's sangeet, Raj is dropping mad hints about Pooja. IDK what kinda exhibitionist tendencies these folks have, but EVERYONE loves to be sexually aggressive in front of the whole family and make them uncomfortable.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

Tina is kinda getting weird vibes, so she starts being a little more territorial about Raj.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

After 180 years of obvious clues, one clue finally hits Tina.

Yash Raj Films / Imaan Sheikh

I mean even god is literally sending clues by ACCIDENTALLY HAVING RAJ DROP SINDOOR ON POOJA'S HEAD.

YRF

She sacrifices her love, and Raj and Pooja are married off in what was quite possibly THE most unrealistic movie wedding possible, because none of the brown parents threw a bitch fit till the end.

YRF / Imaan Sheikh

Moral of the story: Invest in a goddamn webcam.

RantsPakistani / Via Twitter: @rantspakistani