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An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam"

The touching story of a girl who can't pick between the sex appeal of a musician and the bank account of a lawyer.

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"Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" opens in the populated AF haveli of stuck up, mega-principled classical musician Pandit Darbar. Everything here is as Gujarati as it gets.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

Let's talk about the values of this family: Women are treated like ~princesses~ so long as they accept their fate as slaves to men, who can trade them like Pokémon without consent, but only because they love them so much and want the best for them.

Italy-return music enthusiast Sameer is making his way to the haveli to learn from Pandit Darbar. He's, uh, walking through the desert, for some reason. Dude has some serious issues because he literally believes the weather is his dad.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

He picks very serious fights with a damn cloud, y'all, no kidding. Like, the weather slaps him, hugs him, yells at him, everything.

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Lucky for Sameer, he's going to fit right in with the entire Darbar family because everyone is at least 10 times more mental than he'll ever be.

Sameer is supposed to stay in Nandini's room. She's the Pandit's darling daughter. She hates the idea of giving up her room, but Sameer's so damn charming, he literally greets her with a "kem chho?" and she falls for him.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

I grew up in a fucking metro and I don't have 1/4th the confidence of this girl who's always lived in what seems to be an almost unreachable far off desert. She starts flirting with him like a pro, right off the bat. #Goals

Pandit Darbar puts Sameer to a sudden singing test at the breakfast table, so he can decide whether he wants to teach him or nah, which is ball-breakingly stupid because he already allowed him to live in his house for the entirety of his stay in India.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

Sameer manages to impress Pandit D, after repeating the word "hey" about seven different ~melodic~ ways. (By the way, literally ANYONE can sing this song, please try it, it's easy AF.)

A few weeks in, Sameer has already won all 5,300 members of this family over, with his shit-laden humour.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

(^Pretty much the gist of any conversation with an MRA on social media.)

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At a family wedding, a contender steps forth to marry Nandini after watching her dance. Meet Vanraj, a super rich lawyer who I can best describe as a "stupid asshole".

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

He's stupid because he's too nice sometimes and he's an asshole because he window-shops for a bride.

Anyway, here's a small example of how deeply ingrained misogyny is in this house. Pretty cool reflection of how the patriarchy has normalised itself for women in our society.

Kundalis have matched and a wedding date is fixed, but Pandit Darbar's principled head must remain lodged in his own asshole, so he puts Vanraj to a sudden singing test too.

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But shit doesn't go down smoothly. Nandini's newly married cousin leaves her husband and runs away. Taking advantage, her evil aunt decides to expose her blooming romance too. #becausewhynot

Despite how broken he is, Pandit Darbar meets Vanraj's fam with a happy face. The wedding commences.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

The poor girl survives suicide and is handed over to some dude she's never talked to, but, hey, of course her dad is the victim. The girl may be dead emotionally but how dare she ruin his associated honour? Bitch.

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Vanraj even drinks with him once without recognising him I MEAN COME ON, THIS MOVIE IS JUST DRAGGING IT. How do you drink and chill with a guy without even asking his name?

But anyway, they do locate his mother eventually, who tells them his whereabouts, and that he's performing in the biggest musical show of his life soon.

So Sameer is broken down a second time, and Nandini goes back to settled lawyer hubz Vanraj.

SLB Films / Imaan Sheikh

I guess desi parents were right all along when they said become a doctor or lawyer and not a musician full-time, huh? Dang.

Moral of the story:

Sit down for, like, one hour and make up your mind instead of wasting time and money on impulsive decisions FFS.

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