Here's An Accurate And Honest Summary Of "Karan Arjun"
A film that proves sequels suck, even if they are actual humans.
Meet Karan and Arjun -- two hardworking brothers who live happily in a village with their single mother Durga. Their hobbies include creating sibling rivalry and bangle shopping like the rest of us.
Every day, these full grown simpletons like to race back home from work and dive into their ma's feet out of obedience. This is not an exaggeration.
The two boys' mom has not only made total slaves out of them, but has been lying to them about their dad being on a "business trip" or some shit for, like, 8563847 years.
That is, until one night when she's summoned to the Badi Haveli of the village and has to come clean about dad.
The brothers find out that the chief at the Badi Haveli (Badde Thakur) is actually their grandfather, whose rich son married Durga, but she wasn't accepted by the family.
The boys' dad was killed in the same haveli SUPER DUPER long ago by his cousin Durjan Singh who wanted to inherit da booty.
Now gramps is on his death bed.
Durga refuses to take the haveli and leaves with her sons. Durjan Singh, along with his brothers-in-law/henchmen, strangles grandpa to death, which -- and I don't mean to be vile -- he could have done YEARS ago. What an idiot.
Then Durjan and his assholes realise, hey, those two boys could still turn up and get their share someday, so they set out to kill them.
I also kinda die every time I visit my grandparents. #Relatable
Durga heads back to the temple and demands her boys back from goddess Kali, which is a bit of a dick move because you're the one who took them to the devil's lair in the first place. Why you gotta guilt-trip the gods into a refund?
But goddess Kali totes listens to her.
The boys are reborn in different parts of the country.
One is motherless with an alcoholic dad, and the other works at a stable. They're both angry as fuck all the time.
The death of her sons has made Durga hella black metal.
She now lives at the temple, where she is clearly constantly dropping acid and other hallucinatory drugs.
Karan's reincarnation is Ajay. He's a boxer. A girl who is quite possibly THE WORST is in love with him, but he doesn't give a shit.
Meet homophobic tomboy with Stockholm syndrome, Bindiya. (Actual subtitles, BTW)
Meanwhile, Vijay (Arjun's reincarnation) is a bigger asshole than expected.
He's an expert horserider and sling-shot user, which is a very mediocre skill set in the day and age. Vijay is too smug for someone who grew up on a what looks like a barn. He's teaching horse riding to a girl called Sonia Saxena, who is obviously wealthy because all Saxenas are, get widdit.
Not appropriate student-teacher conduct at all.
Oh, BTW, he even kisses her without consent, but everyone is chill with that for some reason. She falls in love with him, in fact. Yeah, go ahead, take a minute.
Meanwhile, Ajay's alcoholic dad is dying and needs an operation ASAP. Ajay fights for a living, so he decides to lose a boxing match to get money for the operation. He ends up winning like an idiot, but gets a job offer from someone who attended the match. It is Sonia's rich dad, Mr Saxena.
His position was hella ambiguous...
So they go to pick up someone at the airport and GUESS WHO THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS.
Durjan Singh's son WHO IS ALSO SONIA'S TO-BE FIANCE, WTF.
Channeling Indian Draco Malfoy.
Meanwhile, Sonia is banging her teacher on haystacks at the stable. It takes NOTHING for these people to decide on dating someone. They literally JUST met.
We are taught some strange and amazing new dance moves in a song.
Like the Head-butt-low-blow.
The I'm-E-Honda-bitches Hundred Hand Slap.
And whatever this is, next to what looks like a giant gaping butthole.
Meanwhile, Bindiya gains Ajay's acceptance by succumbing to societal gender 'norms.'
Saxena and Suraj Singh find out about Sonia and Vijay, so they kick Vijay's ass. His stable is burnt to the ground.
Sonia is being forced to get engaged with Suraj Malfoy, when Vijay breaks in to stop it from happening. BUT GUESS WHO IS NOW SAXENA'S HENCHMAN AND HAS TO FIGHT VIJAY.
AJAY THE BOXER/BROTHER.
Thank fuck there's no security at this billionaire's daughter's engagement because that would have cut this fight sequence way short.
After having a bit of a moment there, Ajay saves Vijay from a bullet, tells him to "Bhaag, Arjun, bhaag!" (Run, bitch, run!) which gives them faded flashbacks of running away from Durjan's men.
He gets arrested. Vijay escapes.
Vijay visits Ajay at the jail, where he uses every pick-up line ever used in every Bollywood movie, ever.
Back at the Saxena's, everyone is pissed off about the engagement function being fucked. The Thakur arrives after Vijay and Ajay have left.
And he totally threatens everyone with death.
Vijay finds out about this and heads to the Durjan's haveli to stop the wedding. Upon reaching the village, he is recognised by everyone as Arjun. Durga and Vijay are, uh, reunited I guess?
Her anaconda don't want none unless it's both sons, hon.
As soon as he finds out about Karan/Ajay, he immediately stops giving a fuck about Sonia because bros literally before hos.
Vijay finds Bindiya and sets out to get Ajay, who is being taken to jail to be imprisoned for six months.
The gods forgot to throw in any regard for the safety of others when they created Arjun 2.0.
Karan is reunited with Durga, but he doesn't really believe this reincarnation business.
But as soon as the news of their reincarnation reaches Durjan Singh's henchmen, Ajay is ready for battle.
Nevertheless, the brothers kick the henchmen's asses and gain mad street cred in the village. They are also rewarded with the blood of their mother.............................
Have you ever been so metal that...
Of course this leads to immediate celebration. #LOLFUCKSONIA
When Durjan's henchmen tell him about the return of the two brothers, everyone in the village totes denies it so that Ajay and Vijay don't get killed.
Vijay secretly delivers a letter to Sonia, telling her he's here to rescue her.
The boys try to enter the haveli while the most weirdly incestuous song ever happens to keep everyone distracted.
Sonia's dad has plans...
In a looooooooooooong fight sequence, Ajay and Vijay kill Durjan's son and all his henchmen, while the village dwellers help them, sorta.
It's weird that throughout the fight, mostly swords are used. Did you know that Durjan and Saxena both smuggled heavy guns? No real reason to go Game of Thrones with swords at all.
Durjan, who has somewhat gone mad because his son is dead, gets hold of Sonia and BITCHSLAPS THE SHAT OUT OF HER.
When you use a glove to smack someone because you're a bitch with class.
Of course, Ajay Vijay come to her rescue.
Have you ever wanted to look badass so desperately, you took a fucking bullet in your palm for no apparent reason?
They kill Durjan and they get married OBVZZZZ.
No police is involved, even though the fucking HEAD of the village just got shit-bagged to a gory death.