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    22 Things For Anyone Who's A Straight-Up Fucking Carnivore

    Meat.

    1. Festive meat bandages to cover your small cuts and scratches.

    2. A bold T-shirt proudly proclaiming your not-so-secret love of well-cooked animals.

    3. A useful cast-iron bacon press to get your strips to the exact crispness you want.

    4. A beef jerky subscription box so you won't have to run to the nearest corner store to get your fix of savory goodness.

    5. Bacon soap to smell like your favorite pork product, all day, everyday.

    6. A bacon-themed board game, because you just can't get enough of that greasy goodness.

    7. An array of southern-style spices to help season your meat to high heaven.

    8. A handy meat thermometer that will automatically let you know when your favorite animal of choice is ready to be eaten.

    9. A stainless-steel meat injector to keep your meat from being super dry once you start cooking it.

    10. Canned unicorn meat. Sometimes in order to succeed, you have to ingest real-ass magical creatures.

    11. A Ron Swanson-approved cutting board to make it easier to slice your steak into even-sized morsels.

    12. A tasty can of creamed possum because even roadkill is a top-choice meat and shouldn't be slept on.

    13. The most epic cheeseburger backpack to store all of your salty, spicy meaty treats.

    14. A red meat pillow so you can take naps dreaming about your one true love – steak.

    15. A comfy meat pillow to cuddle up with at night after you've eaten that steak, and that chicken, and those bacon-wrapped scallops.

    16. A miniature, portable grill for beautifully charred steaks on the go.

    17. Or a George Foreman Grill that can also do the fucking job if cooking and eating outside underneath the stars like our ancestors before us just isn't your jam.

    18. Burger earrings to show everyone what your favorite snack is without ever talking.

    19. A super sensual book perfect for broadening your horizons on unique ways to prepare bacon.

    20. A basket full of yummy specialty meats to expand your palette from amazing hamburgers to spicy sausage.

    21. A hamburger press for perfectly shaped patties every damn time.

    22. And a handy meat tenderizer to uh.... beat your meat to juicy perfection.

    That has to be the most beautiful piece of meat I've ever seen.

    Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.