We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A customer-fave wand vibrator that packs a serious punch despite its compact size — use one of its 20 settings on your partner when they're, ahem, in a bind.
2. An oral sex simulator that just might be better than the real thing — it has 10 tongues.
3. A pretty penguin clit vibrator with 11 different modes to drive you crazy, because they mate for life and your private parts aren't excluded.
4. A Satisfyer Pro 2, a truly touch-free clit stimulator with super-cool vacuum technology for an intense end to your ~private time~. Who needs oral when you have this, baby?
5. An oral sex stimulator, because it isn't just foreplay, you heathens, it's the main event. Multiple orgasms are just a vibration away!
6. A classic rabbit vibe with awesome G-spot stimulation to hop into your next three orgasms.
7. A beginner's strap-on you and your partner can enjoy... together. It even has a flared base for a little backdoor action.
8. A "butterfly kiss" massager to gently but consistently press upon your sensitive bits until you say stop.
9. A simple velvet touch vibe you can use for clitoral or vaginal stimulation. A jack of all trades and the master of your orgasm!
10. A gargantuan purple monster capable of giving you the multiple orgasms you've been for waiting all year.
11. A truly magical magic wand. Not only does it get the hard-to-reach kinks out of your back, but it will literally have you reaching a peak where tears come out of your eyes. It's THAT good, y'all.
12. A strapless strap-on vibrator because there's no reason for you not to get it on with your partner while having a squirting O at the same damn time.
13. A double-bulb prism glass plug, which can be used for fun in the back or the front.
14. A purple starter dildo made specifically for anal play, because lord knows you don't want to start too big and ruin those fantasies you had that made you wanna try it out in the first place.
15. A super quiet and smooth vibrator for when you really don't want to alarm your roommates but you have an...itch that really needs to be scratched.
16. A truly incredible Lelo Sona clit massager that'll use sonic pulses to really give you deep-ass waves of pleasure. Maybe Adele was singing about this the whole damn time!
17. A smooth and perfectly bendable dildo that kind of looks like Nessie the Loch Ness Monster if Nessie wanted to take you to higher heights.
18. A vibrator with a curved base and a textured clit-tickler that'll give you a dual dose of eye-rolling pleasure, because there's nothing like two different orgasms at one time, am I right?
19. A soft, realistic dildo with raised veins and a pointed head for all of your alone time activities. It even has a flared base to use with a strap-on.
20. A lipstick massager complete with multiple speed patterns you can absolutely take on vacation to make it even more ~relaxing~.
21. A super realistic feeling silicone vagina with special inner grooves to spice up your semi-regular fap time. Just be sure to lube this bad boy up before you use it.
22. A hand dildo. You'd use your own, but it gets tired sometimes and this right here is sturdy silicone.
23. A kinky handcuff and blindfold set for when you wanna get your 50 Shades of Grey on in real time.
24. A dual vibe to surround their clit with the greatest vibrations man has ever known. Kind of like surround sound, but for sex.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.