We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a small share of sales from the links on this page.
1. A bullet vibe in a pretty chrome color that packs a pretty punch. Talk about matching your aesthetic.
2. A quick and easy finger vibe with three speeds made especially for heavenly clitoral stimulation.
3. A smooth and perfectly bendable dildo that kind of looks like Nessie the Loch Ness Monster if Nessie wanted to take you to higher heights.
4. A truly magical magic wand. Not only does it get the hard-to-reach kinks out of your back, but it will literally have you reaching a peak where tears come out of your eyes. It's THAT good, y'all.
5. An adorable fox tail butt plug. Who doesn't want to role-play as a forest animal before going down to poundtown?
6. A double-sided dildo both you and your boo can ride together. Or use it by your lonesome, whatever!
7. Adjustable vaginal splay straps because like who has time to buss it wide open when you have this to do it for you?
8. A dual vibe to surround your clit with the greatest vibrations man has ever known. Kind of like surround sound, but for sex.
9. A hand dildo. You'd use your own, but it gets tired sometimes and this right here is sturdy silicone.
10. A "butterfly kiss" massager to gently but consistently press upon your sensitive bits until you say stop.
11. A truly touch-free clit stimulator with super-cool vacuum technology for an intense end to your ~private time~. Who needs oral when you have this, baby?
12. A whole-ass love doll you can ride all night long or until your body has actually had enough of your freaky antics.
13. A purple vibrator with amazing G-spot stimulation and dual motors so you can see stars.
14. A penis head vibrator that might look like your junk is about to get electrocuted, but trust me it'll feel good in a minute. People with penises deserve love, too.
15. An oral sex stimulator, because it isn't just foreplay, you heathens, it's the main event. Multiple orgasms are just a vibration away!
16. An iconic, waterproof rabbit vibrator for vaginal insertion and some glorious clitoral stimulation for the orgasm to end all orgasms.
17. A fingertip vibrator you can fit in your pocket or purse just in case you're up for a little exhibitionist action, like Janet Jackson in "Any time, Any place."
18. A pack of the cutest tenga eggs to assist you in, well...beating your meat every which way.
19. A beginners strap-on you and your partner can enjoy... together. It even has a flared base for a little backdoor action.
20. A five-inch pineapple vibrator, because you like your sex toys with a little personality, dammit.
21. A kinky handcuff and blindfold set for when you wanna get your 50 Shades of Grey on in real time.
22. A fucking Fleshlight to jack into till the crows come home because it's the magnum opus to penis owners everywhere.
23. An anal plug set so you can start to stretch your bootyhole in all the right ways.
24. A ~pleasure enhancer~ to softly blow cool air on your sensitive parts so you can fall over the edge again, and again...and again.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.