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12 Things All Cynics Know To Be True

Let's get real, people. When it comes to real talk, Marc Maron is superior. Catch his show, Maron, returning Thursday, May 8 at 10/9c on IFC.

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1. Engagement announcements via Facebook are a prerequisite for divorce.

2. Constantly posting photos on Instagram means that you're constantly wondering whether or not you're actually enjoying yourself.

3. Any number of people have at some point said something negative about you behind your back. You could be the nicest person on earth - it's still true.

4. Everyone has two favorite movies — the one they say on dates, and the one they watch every other night by themselves.

5. Pets are great until you realize that you live about seven times as long as they do.

6. Because of new technologies, you're going to have more free time and less money to enjoy it. Boredom is the future.

7. Every relationship you have will either end in separation or... you know.

8. There is truly no such thing as a free lunch.

9. If someone compliments you on your hair, they're saying that usually it looks like garbage.

10. Critically acclaimed TV shows rarely get better with age.

11. If you splurge and buy a pricey item of clothing, you are going to ruin that item of clothing.

12. If you found a huge apartment in a great neighborhood for a reasonable price, there are probably dead rats in the walls or something.

TOUGH LOVE! There's more where that came from. Check out Maron on IFC — Thursday, May 8 at 10/9c.