The 22 Hottest Canadian Prime Ministers (Ranked)

Your favourite Canuck statesmen (and one stateswoman) treated like prime Alberta beef

In 2011, Nerve.com ranked the American Presidents in order of sexiness (in which – spoiler alert – Teddy Roosevelt reigned victorious). But Canada has yet to undergo this crucial ranking of political leaders. That glaring omission gets rectified right now.

Via media01.bigblackbag.net

Where will 20th Prime Minister Jean Chretien fall on the list?

A couple of Canadianish notes:

1) This ranking takes into account solely the Prime Ministers' physical appearance, not their various political and economic ideologies, social policies, or treatment of Canada's indigenous people (let's face it: they all score pretty low on that mark). This is a beauty contest alone!

2) It is wrong to judge people based on their appearances, but given the people in question are the privileged leaders of an entire nation, they can take a little good-natured ribbing about their looks. That said, strap in. We're about to dabble in some traditional beauty standards.

3) If you don't understand a Canadian reference below, just follow the link. But seriously, if we Canadians have to learn who Lisa Vanderpump is, you can at least learn what a Rex Murphy is.

22) Alexander Mackenzie (1873 – 1878)

Via thegalleryofheroes.com

Our most unfortunate Prime Minister was our second. Guy's got a decent face, but what's with the face pubes? But being a stonemason Prime Minister, he kind of embodied the same working-class ethic that Bruce Springsteen's physical attractiveness did in the 80s. Yet even putting The Boss's name into this write-up does absolutely nothing for me.

21) John A. Macdonald (1867 – 1873, 1878 – 1891)

Via cbc.ca

I guess they didn't make men too attractive in ye olden days. Canada's first Prime Minister, the Father of Confederation, was also – fun fact! – Canadian author Margaret Atwood's less attractive, balding cousin. (Photos don't lie!) He united the country both by clearing way for a national railway (largely by systematically starving the indigenous people of Canada with Andrew-Jackson-like verve) and in near-universal agreement that he had a face like a mud fence. Whereas George Washington could not tell a lie, Mr. MacDonald could not leave a bottle partially full, which is probably clear from the fact his bulbous nose appears red, even in black-and-white photos.

20) John Diefenbaker (1957 – 1963)

Via blogger.com

What's worse? The disapproving bullfrog grimace, the face that looks like it was chiselled out of spam, the permed, salt-and-pepper fauxhawk? Dude's lucky he's got the Diefenbunker, his Cold War era bachelor pad, otherwise the guy's got no game.

19) Charles Tupper (1896)

Via albertadiary.ca

Basically, he's Mrs. Fratelli from The Goonies (Anne Ramsey) with sideburns. That's not a great look.

18) John Abbott (1891 – 1892)

Via prime-ministers.ca

Straight up supervillain. And not in that hot, Tom Hiddleston/Loki way. I can only assume Abbott served as Prime Minister in between attempts to crush the Bedford Falls Building & Loan.

17) Joe Clark (1979 – 1980)

Via fildebrandt.ca

Somehow the youngest Prime Minister in Canadian history also managed to be one of the homeliest. His head looks like a lightbulb with chipmunk cheeks, all topped off with a bearskin. (Though he does garner points for all the animal CanCon.)

16) Stephen Harper (2006 – present)

Via stephanmetz.ca

Our current Canadian overlord and Sears mannequin can be recognized by his dead robot eyes, his doughy skin, and real hair that looks Playmobil-fake. And those are his good qualities! The guy doesn't even look good in cowboy hat or with a cat in his arms, feats previously believed to be impossible. In fairness, I feel like he could look good in drag, what with the heavy lidded eyes and ruby libs (kind of like Dave Foley in Kids in the Hall), but given his politics (and the fact that he was recently rolling in Israel with an anti-gay Pastor), it doesn't seem like the type of thing he'd test out. He is also fond of covering The Beatles at public events like a campus lothario. I mean, Barack Obama sings Al Green. Pack up your shit and go home, Harper.

15) Louis St. Laurent (1948 – 1957)

Via media.web.britannica.com

He's got the last name of a fashion designer, but the guy looks pretty square. But aside from the fact that he looks like a Nazi inquisitor, he's not too bad.

14) Robert Borden (1911 – 1917, 1917 – 1920)

Via passchendaelethemovie.com

Word up, Borden. The moustache isn't too shabby, though it's starting to move into walrus territory. But the dual blackened eyes are hard to take. As is that haircut – middle part? Who are you, Jonathan Taylor Thomas?

13) R. B. Bennett (1930 – 1935)

Via cbc.ca

The forgotten lovechild of Rodney Dangerfield and Don Cherry, Richard Bedford Bennett looks like a Canadian knock-off of Winston Churchill. If Canada hadn't already been in the Great Depression, having this slob as Prime Minister would have certainly sent them there. But he did create the Bank of Canada, the Canadian Wheat Board and the Canadian Broadcasting Commission, so at least dude got stuff done.

12) Mackenzie Bowell (1894 – 1896)

Via canadainternational.gc.ca

Aside from having a first name traditionally reserved for pornographic actresses, the English-born pressman looks not unlike an unimpressed Santa Claus, but he seems to have some flair for camp. Look at that fur coat! Total gangster.

11) Paul Martin (2003 – 2006)

Via cdhowe.org

Canada's second most recent Prime Minister looks a bit like a game-show host in his latter years. That winning smile and those shimmering blue eyes wouldn't be out of place on Pat Sajak in about a decade.

10) William Lyon Mackenzie King (1921 – 1926, 1926 – 1930, 1935 – 1948)

Via ontarioplaques.com

Like the Heath Ledger to our Jake Gyllenhaal, William Lyon Mackenzie King was the Prime Minister Canada just couldn't quit. He always looked a bit like he was caught midway through swallowing a canary or something. He needs to get rid of that combover – obvi – but you can't go wrong with a pocket square and tie pin.

9) Jean Chretien (1993 – 2003)

Via ottawaphotographerblairgable.com

Mr. Chretien is what we call 'ugly-hot.' There's something just so appealing about a barely polished-up thug. And the man who popularized the Shawinigan handshake (by choking a protestor with his bare hands) has a Masters in Thuganomics. There's a devilish look in those eyes twinkling just below the traditional Rex Murphy forehead of Canadian politics. And he's a dead ringer for that guy who appears in every Jean-Pierre Jeunet movie (Dominique Pinon).

8) Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1968 – 1979, 1980 – 1984)

Via m1.wholesite.com

The subject of Trudeaumania. (Yes, that was a real thing in Canada; in the absence of any homegrown heart-throbs, Canadians turned to politicians.) I can't see the physical appeal, but the man has a certain magnetism. He was a swinging young bachelor (like America's own James Buchanan) when elected. He dated Barbara Streisand in 1969, and Lois Lane herself following his divorce from his wife in 1984. (That's right. Canada has had divorcee Prime Ministers. It's like Europe up here.) He sort of reminds you of the most handsome and misunderstood of your kidnappers. Pierre 'Hey-Violent-Quebec-Separatists-Just-Watch-Me' Trudeau is nothing if not confident. The Judo master definitely knew how to dress and accessorize, making a rose his trademark. I don't totally see it, but considering he bagged stone-cold fox Margaret Trudeau (who famously partied with The Rolling Stones), there must be something to him.

7) Brian Mulroney (1984 – 1993)

Via upload.wikimedia.org

Mulroney – Canada's answer to Reagan – is basically Mitt Romney with more 80s hair. He could knock down the Berlin Wall with that chin alone. But he sired the vapid entertainment reporter Ben Mulroney (points off) and once sang 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling' with Ronald Reagan, which is really embarrassing. Like something your dad would do.

6) Lester B. Pearson (1963 – 1968)

Via lbphs.ca

Now that's a haircut you can set a watch to. Pros: bow ties, hipster glasses. Cons: ears like jug handles. But if your first name is 'Lester,' you've got to bring your A-Game, and this guy works with what he's got. Plus, he gave Canada its flag, so you know the guy likes to party.

5) John Sparrow David Thompson (1892 – 1894)

Via upload.wikimedia.org

The honourable Mr. Thompson's got a little junk in the trunk, but I think we're all ready for this jelly. There's no denying that majestic hair sweep and his flair for fashion. (Is that a double-breasted suit?) Captain Sparrow has flown straight into my heart, with a look that falls somewhere between Elvis Presley and that guy with the 6-foot pompadour from Billy Talent. The first Roman Catholic PM, so … y'know … exotic. He also worked himself to death while in office, so you know he's a tiger in the sack.

4) Wilfrid Laurier (1896 – 1911)

Via upload.wikimedia.org

If there's a Prime Minister with a more kissable mouth, I've yet to see it. I mean, just look at young Laurier! Or should I say Laur-i-hey-girl? We're all more familiar with the guy on the $5 bill: the guy we so often turn into Mr. Spock. But as a young buck, the first French-Canadian Prime Minister looks less like Leonard Nimoy and more like Dr. House himself, Hugh Laurie. (Or Laurier.) Ain't nothing wrong with that. While in office, he welcomed the Yukon Territory, Alberta and Saskatchewan into his open arms. Oh, to be the Yukon Territory.

3) Kim Campbell (1993)

Via einfopedia.com

Canada's first Prime Minster with a uterus was also the owner of a pair of devastating baby-blue eyes. If you didn't know she was Canada's Head of State Government, you could be forgiven for thinking you knew her as an 80s-hot comedienne from The Chuckle Hut. Not unlikely, given her vaguely Victoria-Jackson-esque (before her Tea Party flirtations) looks.

2) Arthur Meighen (1920 – 1921, 1926)

Via data2.collectionscanada.gc.ca

It is often noted that among Prime Ministers, Arthur Meighen possibly achieved the least. But is it not an achievement to look this damn good? The man's got classical good looks, from a penetrating stare (but, like, in a good way) to a solid jawline. Sure, he's losing his hair a bit, but the man knows how to rock a Victorian collar.

1) John Turner (1984)

Via cbc.ca

John Turner? Or Turn-on? John Turner, in purely face-based terms, is the closest thing Canada's ever had to a movie-star Prime Minister. Look at that lantern jaw, that full head of hair, those sportscaster-grade suits. Too handsome for Canadian politics, the John Elway of Parliament Hill was Prime Minister for just 79 days, before turning to his lifelong passion, stunt-doubling for Brian Dennehy.