1. Captain America (1979)
What it's about: Captain America dies and his son takes over as the new Captain and wears a helmet and rides a motorocycle and...everything is terrible.
Inspirational movie quote: "The American ideal. It's a little tough to find these days, isn't it?"
You can watch the trailer here.
2. Justice League of America (1997)
What it's about: The B-list JLA movie no one ever wanted! Centers around the character Ice being recruited by the JLA and them taking on a terrorist-like Weatherman. Everyone looks impressively bad considering this came out only three years before the first X-Men film. But, also, Steel (with Shaquille O'Neal) came out the same year as this...so...
Inspirational movie quote: "I mean, also, though, he's very wise about fathering us and choosing, and human instincts and stuff. I get a lot from him."
You can watch it here.
3. Generation X (1996)
What it's about: An Emma Frost that's only slightly better than the one January Jones played in X-Men: First Class assembles a cast of characters taken from the comic book of the same name and characters created just for the movie. It was supposed to serve as the pilot for a TV show but, well...
Inspiring movie quote: "Oh, why don't you wax your chest hair!"
You can watch the whole movie here.
4. The Spirit (1987)
What it's about: Starring Flash Gordon and Major Kira from Star Trek: DS9, this movie is only slightly worse than worse than the one with Samuel L. Jackson.
Inspirational movie quote: "So dead men don't have much of a social life."
You can watch the intro here.
5. Dr. Strange (1978)
What it's about: Dr. Porn-stache becomes the new Guardian of the Light (or something) and must fight his enemy, Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter playing Morgan LeFay). This movie would be a parody of a '70s movie if it weren't actually from the '70s. Hopefully this entire cast makes a cameo in the new Marvel movie.
Inspirational movie quote: "Will I be asked to give up even love?"
You can watch the whole movie here.
6. Legends of the Superheroes (1979)
What it's about: Two garbage cans for the price of one! These two episodes were offshoots of Adam West's Batman show and star him and Burt Ward as their versions of Batman and Robin, along with a really strange mix of other heroes. These two one-hour live-action TV specials are everything you both love and hate about West's Batman. But, also, the second movie/episode features Hawkman's mother and a racist character called Ghetto Man...so, there's that.
Inspirational movie quote: "We're introducing, ladies and gentlemen, Ghetto Man!" —Ed McMahon
You can watch most of it here.
7. Nick Fury: Agent of Shield (1998)
What it's about: David Hasselhoff slithers out of retirement to put on an eye patch and fight Hydra with Lisa fuckin' Rinna in a movie that will really make you appreciate Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and every other movie Marvel has put out since.
Inspirational movie quote: "Don't you dare cut me off, you comic book cowboy!"
You can watch the whole movie here.
8. Spider-Man (1977)
What it's about: Young nerdy college student Peter Parker, who looks far too old and built to be nerdy or young, gets bitten by a spider blahblahblah then he fights a New Age guru because of course he does. This was the pilot for a TV series that actually got picked up! IMAGINE THAT! WHAT A WORLD!
Inspirational movie quote: "Simple: I believe." (That's literally the last line of the movie.)
You can watch the whole movie here.
9. Wonder Woman (1974)
What it's about: A blonde woman dressed like an American Apparel ad about 30 years before American Apparel was a thing plays Wonder Woman. This was kind of a weird pilot for the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman series. But really, where can I get myself the jacket she wears in this?
Inspirational movie quote: "It was perhaps inevitable that the man-made world would one day require a unique woman. A wonder woman."
You can watch most of it here.
10. The Trial of the Incredible Hulk (1989)
What it's about: We all know Bill Bixby's version of The Hulk...but in this weird TV movie he's framed for murder/sexual assault and has appointed Matt Murdock aka Daredevil to be his lawyer. Then he never goes to trial even though the word "trial" is in the goddamned title.
Inspirational movie quote: "In each of us, there lives a kind of beast made of rage."
You can watch the whole thing here.
11. Captain America (1990)
What it's about: Basically the same plot of the Chris Evans Captain America movie...but with less acting and starring J.D. Salinger's son. Also, Cap gets beat up A LOT in this movie.
Inspirational movie quote: "We are both tragedies and now I send our tortured
souls to rest!"
You can watch the whole movie here.
