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Respond To These FuckBoy Texts With Infamous Disney Clapbacks And We'll Cast You As A Disney Villain

"U up?" *Takes Ambien*

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  1. When it strikes FuckBoy O'Clock.

    Ian Martella
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "How many times do I have to kill you, boy?!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "On land it's much preferred / for [FuckBoys] not to say a word."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "I like you begging. Do it again."
  2. When he somehow turns your achievement into FuckBoy O'Clock.

    Ian Martella
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You pathetic fool! I RULE THE SEAS NOW! ALL OF THE SEAS BOW TO MY POWER!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you? Whoever has the gold makes the rules."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "A forest of thorns shall be his tomb! Borne through the skies on a fog of doom! Now go with the curse, and serve me well! 'Round [FuckBoy's twin bed], CAST MY SPELL!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Love to, Babe. But unlike you [FuckBoys] lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job…. So, can't. Love to, but can't."
  3. When FuckBoy O'Clock is literally every hour of the day.

    Ian Martella
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "The more pressing question is, how will you stay alive if you don't?"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Go. Go away. … I don't like children."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm — What am I, an echo or something?"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a [non-FuckBoy] human for three days. Got that? Three days. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to [open a book. … That's literally it.]"
  4. When he turns his one-track mind to one of your friends.

    Ian Martella
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet / You've got to pay the toll / Take a gulp and take a breath and [seriously just read a book. They don't bite. Some have pictures.]"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Now, shall you deal with ME, O [FuckBoy] — and all the powers of HELL!" *Turns into an actual dragon.*
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth. Without [a considerable amount of liquor,] boy, you're nothing!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even..." *notices FuckBoy is wearing Crocs* "What... are... those?"
  5. When he just lapses into FuckBoy-speak.

    Ian Martella
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a [FuckBoy.]"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I'm not asking much. Just a token really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is [a single complete sentence that doesn't involve the tongue emoji.]
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting."
    Correct
    Incorrect
    *Whispering to a nearby bird* "My pet... You are my last hope. Circle far and wide... Search for [someone else to deal with this shit.] Go, and do not fail me."
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