1. On the last day of the papal conclave, there was a seagull flying about.
2. Tired, the seagull landed upon a chimney.
3. But this was not just any chimney.
4. No, this was the papal chimney.
5. This was the chimney from which the world would learn there is a new pope.
6. And there the bird sat, blissfully unaware the eyes of the world were transfixed upon him.
7. Until he was done sitting and then he left.
8. God bless you pope bird. Amen.
- An earthquake that struck central Italy Wednesday has killed at least 37 people, officials say. 150 people are still missing.
- Turkish tanks have rolled across the Syrian border. Turkey's president said the operation is aimed against both ISIS and Kurdish fighters.
- And Donald Trump has often claimed to be "the largest real estate developer in New York," but he isn't.