Top 5 Most Laughable Metal Videos

Check out the A/V low points of these denim n' ball-sweat warriors.

1. Metallica - "St. Anger"

After defining thrash metal for an entire decade during the 1980s, Metallica decided to spend the 90s cutting their hair, recording Bob Seger covers, and generally stinking up the joint. Naturally, this behavior outraged legions of young men who pay way too much attention to other men's hairstyles.

So, what's a bunch of out-of-touch, aging rockers to do? Well, record a lousy nu-metal album and film a ridiculous music video to accompany it. In an effort to regain their street-level roots, the band decided to set the piece in California's notorious San Quentin Penitentiary. In the beginning of the video, a guard tells the band the state of California will not negotiate a release if they are taken hostage. Metallica don't care. Metallica don't give a shit. They're ANGRY!

The rest of the video consists of the band playing the track in the prison whilst gesticulating like 12-year olds. Make sure to watch Lars Ulrich's scream at 5:36. You know that dude's angry! Another highlight is James Hetfield trying to kiss the camera-man at 4:00. (I know you're in prison, but slow your roll, son.) Great fun is also had watching less-than intimidating lead guitarist Kirk Hammett making sour faces at invisible enemies. Last but not least, bassist Rob Trujillo used to dress like a cholo, anyway, so he actually doesn't come out of this looking too bad.

2. Megadeth - "Hangar 18"

Considering that Megadeth's "Hangar 18" is a bonafide metal classic, it's a shame that its' accompanying video is so damn silly. I can give the production crew some credit for giving a literal interpretation of the song's lyrics, but it's clear they did not have sufficient funds to pull this off convincingly. The video opens with a cheap puppet of Megadeth's mascot Vic Rattlehead flailing away at a cardboard computer console. We are then treated to a sideshow of poorly conceived and cheaply constructed space alien costumes. My personal favorites are the Barbara Streisand impersonator at 1:46 and the huge-domed fella at 2:31 (who might very well have been an inspiration for MTV's "The Head"). Any one of these guys could be the subject of their very own SyFy original movie.

3. Helloween - "Halloween"

You know you're in trouble when your video opens with a guy in a tuxedo wearing a lop-sided jack-o-lantern on his head. Helloween's video for their epic track "Halloween" seems to suffer from a lack of tonal cohesion. The first half of the video (unsuccessfully) attempts to evoke a creepy vibe with the band performing in the deep, dark woods among an assortment of jack-o-lanterns (which are the band's unofficial mascot). In addition, a bevy of 80s vixens walk towards the band since the woods are a great place to meet guys. The second half makes a shift towards the fanciful as various colorful characters dance/have grand mal seizures to the tune of German power metal. (This video is just one example of Helloween's feeble attempts at humor that resulted in album titles like "Pink Bubbles Go Ape.") Make sure to check out tuxedo guy struggling to keep his head on at 2:57.

On an added note, the video version cuts this great song in half. Full-length or GTFO.

4. Overkill - "Hello from the Gutter"

I know Overkill have their fans, but whatever. This shit is hilarious. The video starts with the band jumping over their electric-green logo with a move that would make Poison proud. We are then treated to a drawing of their bat-winged skull mascot (stolen from Avenged Sevenfold, no doubt) flying through a city-scape. His best moment comes at 2:58, when he frightens a hapless sewer worker. The soundtrack for these shenanigans is a collection of flaccid riffs and some of the cheesiest vocal delivery this side of Grim Reaper. In addition, vocalist Bobbi Blitz acts like a complete dink. Somehow, this collection of pure Gouda didn't derail Overkill, and they're still going strong today.

5. Iron Maiden - "The Angel and the Gambler"

Yeesh, where to start with this one? This video is from Maiden's dark days when beloved vocalist Bruce Dickinson was replaced with the underwhelming Blaze Bailey. Fan interest plummeted, and it's easy to see why. This video features the band playing on the moon(?) to some poorly-animated CGI fans (perhaps they couldn't find any real ones at this point in their career. Zing!) I especially enjoy Blaze's intimidating stage moves at 1:45. He's a rough one! He also dresses up as Walker, Texas Ranger and stares down an alien barkeep. If you're into bad CGI and rubbish music, this one's for you.