“I have no idea how we ever get anything done because it seems as if all we do is talk about vintage T-shirts and boners.”
“Before I was born, my mom wanted to have another child, but she didn’t want to be in a relationship. Because some sperm banks had reportedly been infected with HIV, my mom decided to ask some of her friends to try and get her pregnant… I’ve never known for sure who my father is, and I don’t want to know.”
“The Galapagos seemed like a place trapped in prehistoric time, and y’all know I love that shit.”
“I’ve always felt connected to animals. And, yes, I include dinosaurs in this category. I think I wrote my first song about dinosaurs around age five. I wrote my most recent song about dinosaurs (aka greasy, scummy, old dudes) at age eighteen and it probably won’t be the last either.”
“I left the venue to do a photo shoot for an MTV AIDS awareness campaign, and for a moment, as my fans were chasing the car down the cobblestone streets of the beautiful, old city, I felt like a unicorn. If only for a moment.”
“Europe has some pretty epic beards.”
“Over the years I also managed to become the worst waitress in LA and possibly the world.”
“Iggy [Pop] was as cool and crazy as I could have imagined, and he was ready to get to work. He had already written a few verses for the song. My favorite included a line about cockroaches having sex in a garbage can.”
“My mom wore the penis costume that I always carry around with me during the tour and danced around like a crazy person onstage when I played ‘Grow a Pear.’”
“We wrote another badass song, inspired by my car, called simply ‘Gold Trans Am.’ It’s a metaphor for my hoo-ha.”
“Yeah, I broke into Prince’s house to drop off one of my CDs, but I also hunted down dozens of other people I respected such as the Dust Brothers and Beck to try to get them to work with me. One time when I saw P. Diddy at a restaurant, I walked right up to him, handed him a CD, and told him that it was going to be the next new sh$#.”
“We lived off tequila and fury.”
“So my tour makeup artist and I played a little game called Keep Ke$ha from Getting Bored… He always lost. Then I would be forced to find other ways to entertain myself by, say, breaking the chair [or] giving someone a prison tattoo.”
“I asked my fans to send me their teeth. I got so many that I made them into jewelry.”
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