“‘There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself “Do trousers matter?”’
‘The mood will pass, sir.’”
“Into the face of the young man there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty, hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to talk French.”
“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”
“I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”
“The glimpses I had caught of his face from the corner of the eyes had told me that he was grim and resolute, his supply of the milk of human kindness plainly short by several gallons.”
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy’s Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day’s work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city’s reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
“I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.”
“If you haven’t realised by this time that I love you, and always shall love you, and have never loved anybody else, and never shall love anybody else, you’re a fathead.”
“I regard her as the sand in Civilization’s spinach.”
“His first emotion was one of surprise that so much human tonnage could have been assembled at one spot. A cannibal king, beholding them, would have whooped with joy and reached for his knife and fork with the feeling that for once, the catering department had not failed him.”
“There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”
“She looked at me like someone who has just solved the crossword puzzle with a shrewd ‘Emu’ in the top right hand corner.”
“Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.”
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