1. Firstly, these CHILDREN'S SHIRTS.
2. Girls actually live on a planet called "Pink Earth." You know how it is.
3. These cavepeople products are unhinged.
4. I think we can all agree that asking spirits who you'll marry is such a girly thing to do.
5. The 11th commandment: Boys need a tire Bible, girls need a crown Bible, and everyone else can fend for themselves.
6. I put my hand over my mouth when I registered what my eyes were seeing when they looked at this.
7. I would rather pull a Jake Gyllenhaal and never bathe again than use this bath.
8. We all know the famous Billy Ray Cyrus song "Achy Breaky Pizza."
10. I was worried that this restaurant wouldn't have food for both me and friend, but it's OK — he and I can eat our disparate meals in peace.
11. Lady Boss better be the sequel to Lady Bird. That is the only explanation for this.
12. Girl brush is for the pretty girl, and (cheaper) boy brush is for the brave boy. If neither of these brushes apply to you, you must have tangled hair.
13. "Meggings" implies that men also have marms with melbows.
14. Everybody who isn't a girl gets a genius guitar.
15. Should I make a quiz that's "Are You Fun or Men?"
16. What about "Are You Boys or Pretty Pink?"
17. Women drink special secret water. It paints our nails and braids our hair.
18. Let's go back to children's clothes for a sec and scream about these onesies.
19. Get ready, because you're about to see some gendered cheese.
20. If fathers can't pretend they're at war, are they really fathers?
21. Fun fact: Women need fewer Bisacodyl tablets than men do, and it seems like everyone else needs zero.
22. I think I've been inside six of the seven guy places. Does this mean I'll get my ladyhood revoked? But I've been to Panera, I promise!
23. It's high time we admit that women require a distinct way to shred paper.
24. Whiskey toothpaste: for the manliest of manly men who want their mouths to taste like a mix of whiskey and toothpaste.
25. Thank god we live in a world with gendered gaming consoles. Can you imagine the chaos? Where would girls and boys put their thumbs?! How would nonbinary people be left out?!
26. Don't even think about using this pencil if you're not a boy. They are cars on it, for Pete's sake! Boys only.
27. Gendered face masks are a thing that exists.
28. Here ye here ye, ladies; come and get your loofahs!
29. Girls can only do math when shopping is involved, so I guess fuck you, Hypatia.
30. Women can't use normal screwdrivers because our inherent need for pink and/or fluffy things gets in the way.
31. And finally, we have these excruciating magazines.
