Posted on Dec 2, 2020

53 Of The Best Jokes From "The Office"

"'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk.'"

Hope Lasater

by Hope Lasater

BuzzFeed Staff

We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the best joke from The Office. Here are the perfect results.

1. When Jim and Dwight threw Kelly a birthday party.

Jim says, "What is that" and points to a banner that reads, "It is your birthday," and Dwight says, "It's a statement of fact"

2. When Gabe was smooth as hell.

Toby asks, "Do you know her last name yet," Gabe says, "Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow, because she's gonna be screaming it tonight," and Toby asks, "She's gonna be screaming her own last name"

3. When Michael wished to be feared and loved.

Michael says, "Would I rather be feared or loved, um, easy, both, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me"

4. When Creed wanted to set Jim up with his daughter, but Jim said he was engaged to Pam.

Creed says, "I thought you were gay," Jim asks, "Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter," and Creed says, "I don’t know"

5. When Kelly explained her professional growth in her interview to become the new manager.

Kelly says, "Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now, and, god, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way," Jim says, "Your department’s just you, right," and Kelly says, "Yes Jim, but I am not easy to manage"

6. When Jan told Michael she was pregnant, but Michael wasn't the father.

Michael asks, “You cheated on me, when I specifically asked you not to"

7. When Michael drove into a lake because he misunderstood the GPS.

Dwight yells, "This is the lake," Michael yells, "The machine knows," Dwight yells, "This is the lake," and Michael yells, "Stop yelling at me"

8. When Darryl really wanted to focus on Andy's musical.

Darryl says to Michael, "Shh, if we don’t listen to the overture, we won’t recognize the musical themes when they come back later"

9. When Creed had some sort of plan with Pam and Michael's old chairs.

Creed says, "When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go."

10. When Pam stood up to the office about her work.

Pam says, "I doubled my sales last month," Andy asks, "Oh, really, from what, 2 to 4," and Pam in a talking head says, "Yup"

11. When Michael called Jim by his full name.

Michael says, "Well, to be fair, Jim—James—Jimothy," Jim indicates yes for Jimothy, Michael says, "To be fair, Jimothy, the—that sounds weird, are you okay with being called Jim," and Jim says "I am"

12. When the men's room symbol outraged Creed.

Michael says, "Someone complained that the men’s room is whites only, Stanley, you know that’s not true," Stanley says, "I didn’t say that" and Creed says, "Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door"

13. When Dwight unpacked why he wanted to have periods.

Dwight says, "I wish I could menstruate, If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore, I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle, plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides"

14. When Michael set up an online dating profile.

Michael says, "Little kid lover, that way people will know exactly where my priorities are at"

15. When Kelly discussed death after hearing about Kevin's possible skin cancer diagnosis.

Kelly says, "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died, that was the saddest funeral ever, that and my sister’s"

16. When Michael wasn't superstitious.

Michael says, "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious"

17. When Michael was a wine expert at Phyllis's wedding.

Michael says, "I know a fair amount about fine food and drink," then he sniffs his white wine and says, "This is a white"

18. When Creed wanted to get into worms after Michael fell into the koi pond.

Michael says, "I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm," and Creed says, Oh, you're paying way too much for worms, man, who's your worm guy"

19. When Michael looked for a new job.

There are wild groaning noises coming from Michael's office, Jim says, "It's Monster dot com, singular," and Michael says, "Thank you"

20. When Jan wasn't in a place to chat at David Wallace's party.

Karen says, "Hey, Jan," and Jan replies, "Not too good"

21. When the Michael Scott Paper Company had the upper hand in a negotiation.

Michael says, "Well, well, well, how the turntables"

22. When Dwight got ready to "run through" Jim.

As Dwight runs in place and Jim says, "What are you doing, are you really revving up, you know that doesn't work"

23. When Michael hypothetically killed Toby.

Michael says, "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice"

24. When Kelly was furious at Ryan when he returned to Scranton after dumping her.

Ryan says, "Do you have a question, Kelly," and Kelly says, "Yeah, I have a lot of questions, number one: how dare you"

25. When Michael wanted to be in the know about Sabre.

Michael says, "Where did you get that information," Oscar says, "Manual," and Michael asks "Manuel who"

26. When Creed misunderstood what happens with a jinx.

Robert California and Creed both ask, "How old," and Creed says, "Jinx, buy me some coke"

27. When Pam had her priorities straight at the dinner party.

Pam says, "I don't care what they say about me, I just want to eat"

28. When Michael created a great quote in the Michael Scott Paper Company office.

On a white board, it says, "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take —Wayne Gretkzy' — Michael Scott"

29. When Michael played Jeopardy! after hitting Meredith with his car in the parking lot.

Michael says, "Yes, it was on company property, with company property, so, double jeopardy, we are fine," Ryan says, "I don't—I don't think you understand how Jeopardy works," and Michael says, "Oh, right, I'm sorry, what is we're fine"

30. When Nellie wanted to be friends with Darryl and get tacos.

Nellie says, "For two tacos, we probably need about, what, $20, or..." and Darryl looks at her

31. When Michael talked about his vasectomies with Jan.

Michael says, "Snip, snap, snip, snap, snip, snap, you have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person"

32. When Creed just wanted to scuba.

Creed says, "If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about, what am I working toward"

33. When Dwight made a case for the letter 'R.'

Dwight says, "'R' is among the most menacing of sounds, that's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk'"

34. When Michael spoke of his grit after coming back to Dunder Mifflin.

Michael says, "I am not to be truffled with"

35. When there was a break-in and Oscar's laptop was stolen.

Kevin says, "Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector," Oscar says, "How does that even compare," and Kevin says, "Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges"

36. When Michael wanted David Wallace to guess who he was dressed up as.

Michael says, "His last name is Christ, he has the power of flight, he can heal leopards"

37. When Dwight stuck to his clearly fake story.

Michael says, "Your dentist's name is Crentist, sounds a lot like dentist," Dwight says, "Maybe that's why he became a dentist" and Michael is clearly furious

38. When Ryan declared his love for Kelly after she got a great new boyfriend.

Ryan says, "I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated"

39. When Creed would not let anyone mess with him after the office was broken in to.

Creed says, "Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it, the last person to do this disappeared, his name, Creed Bratton"

40. When Michael quoted Abraham Lincoln in his diversity video.

Michael says, "Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North'"

41. When Jim and Robert California discussed nature.

Robert California says, "Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor," Jim says, "Oh, god, nature, please," and Robert California says, "When two animals are having sex..."

42. When Michael felt the office had taken a life after cafe disco.

Michael says, “You all took a life here today, you did, the life of the party"

43. When Michael refused to be a villain.

Andy says, "In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero, you're Ali Larter, I'm Beyoncé," and Michael says, "I am Beyoncé always"

44. When Michael wasn't there for the joke, because he had fallen asleep after eating an entire chicken pot pie for lunch.

Michael says, "What's so funny," Pam says, "You had to be there," and Michael says, "Okay, geography joke!"

45. When Kelly explained her pro-cupcake stance.

Kelly says, “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake"

46. When Michael was so over Toby because he didn't want Boy Scouts to come to casino night.

Michael says, "Why are you the way that you are, honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way, I hate so much about the things that you choose to be"

47. When Michael wanted to seem like an intimidating figure.

Michael says, "I will have the spaghetti with a side salad," the serve says, "Okay," and Michael says, "If the salad is on top, I send it back"

48. When Jan threw a Dundie at the TV.

Michael yells, "That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed, Good luck paying me back on your $0 a year salary plus benefits, babe" and Jan cries

49. When Creed kind of created a language when he was manager.

Creed says, "Find out what language this is" and then makes unintelligible noises

50. When Michael became Prison Mike.

Michael says, "The worst thing about prison was the—was the Dementors, they were flying all over the place and they were scary"

51. When Dwight missed Jim after he moved to Stamford.

Dwight cries, "Jim is gone, he's gone, I miss him so much, oh, I cry myself to sleep, Jim" then he stops pretending to cry and says, "False, I do not miss him"

52. When the office unpacked 'who vs. whom.'

Stanley asks, "How did Ryan use it, as an object," Ryan says, "As an object" and Kelly says, "Ryan used me as an object"

53. And when Michael wasn't a bad guy.

Michael says, "Guess what, I have flaws, what are they, I dunno I sing in the shower, sometimes I spend too much time volunteering, occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car, sue me, no don't sue me, that's the opposite the point I am trying to make"

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