Updated on Apr 4, 2023

53 Of The Best Jokes From "The Office"

"'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk.'"

by Hope Lasater

BuzzFeed Staff

Jim says, "What is that" and points to a banner that reads, "It is your birthday," and Dwight says, "It's a statement of fact"

Toby asks, "Do you know her last name yet," Gabe says, "Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow, because she's gonna be screaming it tonight," and Toby asks, "She's gonna be screaming her own last name"

Michael says, "Would I rather be feared or loved, um, easy, both, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me"

Creed says, "I thought you were gay," Jim asks, "Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter," and Creed says, "I don’t know"

Kelly says, "Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now, and, god, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way," Jim says, "Your department’s just you, right," and Kelly says, "Yes Jim, but I am not easy to manage"

Michael asks, “You cheated on me, when I specifically asked you not to"

Dwight yells, "This is the lake," Michael yells, "The machine knows," Dwight yells, "This is the lake," and Michael yells, "Stop yelling at me"

Darryl says to Michael, "Shh, if we don’t listen to the overture, we won’t recognize the musical themes when they come back later"

Creed says, "When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go."

Pam says, "I doubled my sales last month," Andy asks, "Oh, really, from what, 2 to 4," and Pam in a talking head says, "Yup"

Michael says, "Well, to be fair, Jim—James—Jimothy," Jim indicates yes for Jimothy, Michael says, "To be fair, Jimothy, the—that sounds weird, are you okay with being called Jim," and Jim says "I am"

Michael says, "Someone complained that the men’s room is whites only, Stanley, you know that’s not true," Stanley says, "I didn’t say that" and Creed says, "Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door"

Dwight says, "I wish I could menstruate, If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore, I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle, plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides"

Michael says, "Little kid lover, that way people will know exactly where my priorities are at"

Kelly says, "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died, that was the saddest funeral ever, that and my sister’s"

Michael says, "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious"

Michael says, "I know a fair amount about fine food and drink," then he sniffs his white wine and says, "This is a white"

Michael says, "I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm," and Creed says, Oh, you're paying way too much for worms, man, who's your worm guy"

There are wild groaning noises coming from Michael's office, Jim says, "It's Monster dot com, singular," and Michael says, "Thank you"

Karen says, "Hey, Jan," and Jan replies, "Not too good"

Michael says, "Well, well, well, how the turntables"

As Dwight runs in place and Jim says, "What are you doing, are you really revving up, you know that doesn't work"

Michael says, "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice"

Ryan says, "Do you have a question, Kelly," and Kelly says, "Yeah, I have a lot of questions, number one: how dare you"

Michael says, "Where did you get that information," Oscar says, "Manual," and Michael asks "Manuel who"

Robert California and Creed both ask, "How old," and Creed says, "Jinx, buy me some coke"

Pam says, "I don't care what they say about me, I just want to eat"

On a white board, it says, "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take —Wayne Gretkzy' — Michael Scott"

Michael says, "Yes, it was on company property, with company property, so, double jeopardy, we are fine," Ryan says, "I don't—I don't think you understand how Jeopardy works," and Michael says, "Oh, right, I'm sorry, what is we're fine"

Nellie says, "For two tacos, we probably need about, what, $20, or..." and Darryl looks at her

Michael says, "Snip, snap, snip, snap, snip, snap, you have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person"

Creed says, "If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about, what am I working toward"

Dwight says, "'R' is among the most menacing of sounds, that's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk'"

Michael says, "I am not to be truffled with"

Kevin says, "Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector," Oscar says, "How does that even compare," and Kevin says, "Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges"

Michael says, "His last name is Christ, he has the power of flight, he can heal leopards"

Michael says, "Your dentist's name is Crentist, sounds a lot like dentist," Dwight says, "Maybe that's why he became a dentist" and Michael is clearly furious

Ryan says, "I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated"

Creed says, "Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it, the last person to do this disappeared, his name, Creed Bratton"

Michael says, "Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North'"

Robert California says, "Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor," Jim says, "Oh, god, nature, please," and Robert California says, "When two animals are having sex..."

Michael says, “You all took a life here today, you did, the life of the party"

Andy says, "In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero, you're Ali Larter, I'm Beyoncé," and Michael says, "I am Beyoncé always"

Michael says, "What's so funny," Pam says, "You had to be there," and Michael says, "Okay, geography joke!"

Kelly says, “I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake"

Michael says, "Why are you the way that you are, honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way, I hate so much about the things that you choose to be"

Michael says, "I will have the spaghetti with a side salad," the serve says, "Okay," and Michael says, "If the salad is on top, I send it back"

Michael yells, "That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed, Good luck paying me back on your $0 a year salary plus benefits, babe" and Jan cries

Creed says, "Find out what language this is" and then makes unintelligible noises

Michael says, "The worst thing about prison was the—was the Dementors, they were flying all over the place and they were scary"

Dwight cries, "Jim is gone, he's gone, I miss him so much, oh, I cry myself to sleep, Jim" then he stops pretending to cry and says, "False, I do not miss him"

Stanley asks, "How did Ryan use it, as an object," Ryan says, "As an object" and Kelly says, "Ryan used me as an object"

Michael says, "Guess what, I have flaws, what are they, I dunno I sing in the shower, sometimes I spend too much time volunteering, occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car, sue me, no don't sue me, that's the opposite the point I am trying to make"

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