Here Are The Funniest Moments From Each Season Of "New Girl"

    "No, I don't wash the towel, the towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

    I think everyone in the world, from babies to oldies, would agree that New Girl is bonkers funny. So, naturally, here are the funniest moments from every season of New Girl.*

    Season 1

    1. The loft mousetrap.

    In reference to a doll holding a hammer on the floor, Jess says, Yeah, hes not fooling anyone, You think just cause hes a snappy dresser the mice dont see the hammer, Mice come from all over the building to laugh at that dummy witch

    2. The lives of Schmidt's other friends.

    Nick says, He called an oven an oves, he calls an airport airp, last month he went to a party called Bros Before Hoes on the Moon, and the dress code was yacht flair, Winston says, Schmidt has a friend who changed his middle name to one word, Doinit

    3. Jess's type.

    Jess says, You know me, Im only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea

    4. Nick's inability to be normal around Russell.

    Nick takes noodles out of Russells bowl and Jess says, Nick, dont eat his noodles, to which Nick says, Yeah, but were bowl brothers now

    5. Youths.

    Schmidt says, This is a horrible neighborhood, okay, there are youths everywhere, and then he sees his tires are gone and he yells, Youths

    6. When Schmidt has to put money in the douchebag jar because of this.

    Schmidt says, Dammit, I cant find my driving moccasins anywhere

    7. When Jess says an A+ insult to Nick after he inadvertently messes up her day with her boyfriend's daughter.

    Jess says, I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia because you make children cry

    8. The reason Nick doesn't wash a towel.

    Schmidt says, Do you even wash it, and Nick says, No, I dont wash the towel, the towel washes me, who washes a towel

    Season 2

    9. Cymbals are part of the drum kit.

    Schmidt says, Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll, please, Nick and Jess do a tom tom and a cymbal, Schmidt says, Cut, cut, Nick, snare drum, I shouldnt have to specify, Jess, that was a cymbal, and Jess says, Cymbals are part of the drum kit

    10. The fact that the song that gets Nick pumped is "Cotton Eye Joe."

    In a car, Nick fist bumps and mimes the fiddle in Cotton Eyed Joe, and Jess says, Why did you need me for this, Nick

    11. Schmidt's declaration at his "re-branding event" (party), which he throws to celebrate his penis no longer being broken.

    Schmidt is dancing and says, Yes, my penis is working

    12. Nick's cookie meltdown.

    Nick says, You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie, you gave me a cookie, gave you cookie, gave me cookie, got you cookie, you gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man, gave me cookie, got you cookie

    13. Jess's effort to comfort Cece when Cece is freaking out about how she's never seen her fiancé's genitals.

    Jess says, If hes using it right, no ones seeing his penis

    14. The Julius Pepperwood disguise.

    Nick, as Julius Pepperwood, says, How you guys doing, Im Julius Pepperwood, Im an ex cop, ex Marine, Im here to learn how to write short fiction, Im from Chicago, Thin crust pizza, No, thank you, Im from Chicago

    15. The 10-minute joke about squirrels.

    Jess says, Bearclaw just told me a 10 minute joke about squirrels with the punchline, Eat these nuts

    16. The names of Nick's testicles.

    Winston says, Youve named your testicles, and theyre both named Sharon, and Nick says, Yeah, so what

    17. Jess's response when Nick calls her a gold digger.

    Jess says, If I were a gold digger, do you think Id be interested in you, I would be the worst gold digger in the world

    Season 3

    18. What Nick thinks is sexy.

    Jess asks, You want my purses to be covered in gem stones, and Nick says, All guys do, thats what we think is sexy, we want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a mini skirt with a purse with gems, but you girls dont listen

    19. When Winston is attempting to complete a puzzle and he asks Schmidt what he thinks it will look like.

    Winston, while doing a puzzle, asks, Hey, Schmidt, what do you think its going to look like, to which Schmidt says, What do I think its going to look like, Winston, its on the box, the pictures on the box, its a Japanese garden

    20. When Cece brings over some Chinese food.

    Nick hands Cece some money and says, This is for the food, and theres a little extra for you
    Cece says, Oh my god, are you tipping me
    Cece can't believe it, Nick says, Yeah
    Cece walks out

    21. What Nick forgot how to do.

    Nick says, You dont forget how to be a lawyer, its like riding a bike, flashback to him unable to ride and bike and he says Theyve changed these, then Nick says, Fine, I forgot how to ride a bike

    22. When everyone in the loft is having a weird and rough few days, so Winston gives them a talking to.

    Winston says, Aint no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and Im the only normal person in this loft

    23. When Jess violates Nick's privacy, so Nick goes through all the stuff in her room.

    Nick picks up a huge spool of yarn and says, What is this, Jess says, Yarn Nick says, What are you knitting, a mansion

    24. It was a Thursday.

    Coach says, Youve never been turned on by gas mileage before, Winton says, Once, Schmidt asks, When was that, Winston says, It was a Thursday, thats all I remember, Schmidt asks, A Thursday, Winston says, Yeah, and Schmidt glares at him

    Season 4

    25. Everything about Nick's sauce.

    Winston asks, You put bologna in your Bolognese, and Nick says, Where else would it get its name, trick question, it gets it from the mayonnaise

    26. Winston rolling off the couch while he's sore from police academy.

    Winton says, I cant close my ass, and Jess, Coach, and Nick all look confused

    27. This specific reveal about Nick's childhood.

    Nick says, When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth

    28. Cece's flawless diss.

    Cece says to Jess, Did you wash your hair, it looks really clean, and all of the women around gasp, including Jess

    29. Schmidt's reaction to a spider in the loft.

    At different points Schmidt says, It could be right above our heads, hanging from its butt rope, and, I can hear it building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave, building it with its ass, and, God, its left the web to feed

    30. The way a panicking Nick asks someone if they want a grape.

    Nick says, Would you like a green grape shoved in your, given to your mouth, handed to your mouth

    31. The jerk Jess goes on a date with.

    Jess says, First of all, hes a street artist, second of all, he called a scotch on the rocks a sco ro, he has a tattoo that just says Warrior Poet, He tipped the waiter with a sketch of a hip hop mouse

    32. Winston's pickup line.

    Coach says, Just say something to her, Nick says, Yeah, just say something to her, and Winston says, Shawty, what that thang do, Coach says, No, and all the men look upset

    33. What makes Schmidt angry and scared at the same time.

    Schmidt says, God, I hate that you knit, I hate everything about it, Jess asks, Why, and Schmidt says, It makes me angry and scared all at the same time, just like when I hear the phrase, Academy Award-winner, Anna Paquin

    Season 5

    34. Prank Sinatra's CV.

    Jess says, Every prank you do turns out either too big, flashback Nick says, Did you register me as a sex offender, Jess says, Or too small, flashback Schmidts eating cereal and says, Howd this blueberry get in here, and Winston starts cackling

    35. The yardstick.

    Aly says, Im not gonna be the yardstick in a penis measuring contest, Nick says, Did you say yard, and Winston says, Wow, who are you dating

    36. Winston is sitting closer than Nick.

    An old man says to Nick, Looks like you got old man back, welcome to the club, and Nick says, Looks like a cool club, then he says to Winston Ugh, you hear that, and Winston says, Yeah, Im sitting closer than you

    37. The cherries.

    Nick says, Jess, have you seen, uh, uh, cherries, and Jess says, Im so confused by your question that Im just gonna answer it, uh, directly, Yes, Ive seen them

    38. The love scene in the novel Fred Armisen's character is writing.

    Schmidt reacts to the following words Fred Armisens character reads, As his electric car powered down, he saw her virgin breasts glowing in the Alabama light, she said, Which to see, left or right, I said, Left, She showed him, it was big like a Cadillac

    39. Bridgette Wilson-Sampras.

    Schmidt says, Im the Bridgette Wilson-Sampras here, Cece says, Who, Reagan says, I dont know, Schmidt says, Oh, I suppose youre both too cool to have seen THE WEDDING PLANNER, and then Winston says, Well, Ive seen it

    40. Jeans is pants.

    Schmidt says, I can never write my vows right now, I can barely even spell my own name, S, Jeans, is that right, is jeans not a letter, it feels like a letter to me and then he says, Jeans isnt a letter, jeans is pants

    41. The mashed potatoes.

    Reagan asks, Is that a bowl of mashed potatoes under your bed, and Winston says, May god help us if its not

    Season 6

    42. Robby's need to get away from Winston.

    Robby says, I like Winston, but he has been telling me this bagel story for ten minutes, I havent even met all the main characters yet

    43. When Cece and Schmidt try to have a nice first night in their new house after reading about the neighborhood's crime rates, but then they hear a noise.

    Schmidt and Cece are in bed and theres a loud bang, they jump and Schmidt yells, What the hells was that, are you the criminals, from the statistics

    44. Nick's cooking skills.

    Nick says, These knives are a part of me, like that, uh, scissorhand guy, what is his name again, Is it Rick Snip

    45. Schmidt and Jess's conversation about her date with Robby.

    Schmidt says, How was your date, Jess says, It was great, and then it was disastrous, Schmidt says, Oh, so you had sex with him, Jess says, No, the opposite, and Schmidt asks, The opposite, so you gave birth to him

    46. When Reagan arrives in the loft after Nick doesn't pick her up from the airport.

    Reagan says, The only way I could get here from the airport was to split a cab with a lady who was eating a sub from the middle

    47. Where Schmidt blows off steam.

    Schmidt says, Now you got Schmidt all cranked up, and Nick asks, Youre cranked up, and Schmidt says, Yeah, I gotta go to the arcade now and blow off steam

    48. The beginning of the bonding conversation between Nick and Cece and Schmidt's contractor.

    Looking at wood in the house, Nick says, Thats a nice grain, and Jason says, Great grain
    Nick says, Got to cut with the grain, Jason says, Uh, always
    Schmidt looks on confused as he hears Jason say, Its a living, and Nick says, Watch the fingers
    Nick says, Get the hands dirty, and Jason says, Yeah you know
    Jason finishes his sentences and says, Early bird gets the worm, and Nick laughs
    Nick says, Clean your jeans
    Schmidt looks on confused as Jason starts a sentence saying, Ask her what time it is
    Jason finishes his sentences by saying, She'll tell you to build a watch, you know

    Season 7

    49. Schmidt's reaction to hearing about a break-in at his daughter's preschool.

    A child says, A white man broke in today, Schmidt says, A white man, no, well, what did security do about it, the child says, Nothing, and Schmidt yells, Typical

    50. When Nick and Winston have a Chicago moment.

    Nick says, Chicago, man, Winston says, Chicago
    Nick says, Tough love, man, Chicago
    Winston says, Lets go see the Bean, and Nick says, What

    51. The old man.

    Winston says, Anythings funny when you put an old man in it, except for the ground

    52. When Cece sees Jess in her wedding dress on her wedding day for the first time, not knowing Jess is very high.

    Jess is turned around and Cece says, Oh my god, you are in your dress
    Cece says, babe, you look so beautiful I cannot
    Cece finishes her sentence, believe youre finally getting married
    Jess turns around, wearing an eye patch with a googly eye on it, holding a piece of the middle of her wedding cake, with cake all around her mouth, and says Cece
    Cece, now freaking out but smiling, says, Hey

    53. Foot lotion hand.

    Nick says, They should make more foot lotion for your hand, foot lotion hand

    54. When Cece and Schmidt's daughter is trying out for a fancy school and he's worried.

    Schmidt says, Oh god, Is that kid reading Jonathan Franzen
    We see a little girl reading a Jonathan Franzen novel

    55. And when Winston attempts to leave the loft.

    Winston says, Let me know when you have the housewarming for your new place, Ill bring the succulents, Cece says, You never brought us succulents, and Winston says, You got me, I dont know what a succulent is, I just said that to get the hell out of here

    56. But he actually does have to go.

    Winston says, But I really do got to get going, its my turn to nurse the baby, Schmidt asks, How does he, and Cece says, Its a whole thing