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    The Art Of Roasting


    First, some background: the fine fellas of Dormtainment TV teach us that the first ever roast was held at the Friar's Club in 1949. Actor Maurice Chevalier was the roastee.

    Though the Friar's Club held the first formal roast, roasting itself is nothing new and is known by other names.

    And it doesn't have to happen in a fancy clubhouse.

    Lunch rooms, dorm rooms, and basketball courts, church basements, your mom's house–you can catch that heat anywhere.

    You know that a roast is gonna be good when it starts off with The Roast Hand™.

    The Roast Hand is universally understood as a declaration of war in roasting circles.

    Even babies know about The Roast Hand.

    Extra points are given for creativity, so feel free to experiment.

    The Roast Hand is also occasionally accompanied by The Roast Face.

    Serious business.

    The Roast Hand has even hit the suburbs.

    Hope bob takes some sunscreen to the golf course cause he's getting 🔥flamed🔥.

    When somebody sets their sights on you for a roast, you can try to escape it but you probably won't succeed.

    You just gotta stand there and take it like an adult.

    No one is safe. Not even policemen.


    You even gotta watch out for Mickey Mouse in these streets.

    Everyyybody rooooaaasts...sometiiiiiiimes.

    President Obama has probably roasted a fool or two in his day.

    And Forrest Gump secretly had that fire; you can tell.

    Forrest Gump looking like a DMV nigga, about to roast her shoes like "BOYYYY"

    Be sure to have a celebratory routine in place to punctuate a successful session.

    The crew that flames together, stays together.

    There are rules for the roastees, too: it is very important that you know your vulnerabilities before attempting to roast someone.

    In the words of that old gospel song, sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine.

    Or at least be prepared when it's coming to you and you know it.

    When your homies are roasting you but telling the truth, it takes a big person to acknowledge it.

    If you're a spectator, you can laugh but don't laugh *too* hard or the Roast Hand will find you.

    And don't attempt to fire your gun if it's not loaded, if you catch my drift.

    You can't take roasting *too* seriously though.

    Your jokes may be fire but they are not worth your life!

    You might also want to leave them at home when it's time for your homie's funeral.

    When the homie you always roast on die and you go to his funeral with some more heat..

    Remember to prep your babies well.

    "First off bitch.. I’m bout to learn how to walk next week…and what you gonna be doing?? Crawling wit ya lame ass"

    Roasting will forever be a thing, and they will need to be ready.

    And make sure they know that if their jokes are fire enough, they just might be immortalized in song.