Secularism Sutras Or The Aphorisms Of The Secular

Secularism Sutras or the Aphorisms of the Secular (adapted from Vishal Agarwal)

1. Majority communalism is reprehensible while minority communalism is understandable. Hindu communalism is worse than Muslim and Christian communalism. In fact any communalism by groups other than Hindu is rarely referred to as communalism.

2. Highlighting any act of minority communalism invites being branded as a Hindu fanatic and is itself considered a communalist act.

3. Dams and Factories are the modern Temples of India. But they cannot replace mosques and churches.

4. India is not one nation but a Multi-national state, in other words, it is only notionally a nation state.

5. Hinduism is the opiate of Indian masses.

6. Secularism is the greatest good, to which all other goods are subordinated. All morals and ethics can be ignored in the defense of Secularism. In fact to be secular is the highest accolade that can be awarded in the secular parlance

7. If you are not `Secular’, at best you are a `Communal’ and are most likely to be elevated to a right wing Hindutvawadi who is closely connected to the murder of Mahatma Gandhi, even though you may not have been born then.

8. Marx, Mullah and Missionary are the Trimurti of Secularism. Secularism leads to omniscience. What do communalists know?

9. Majority communalists deserve no human rights. Minorities, including their communal elements, are entitled to special privileges.

10. Hinduism is a colonial construct, and to call it a religion is at best a stretch and at worst against the secular ethos of the country. Tribals are magically transformed into Hindus only when they rape nuns.

11. It is `Progressive’ and `liberal’ to eat beef and to oppose it is to be obscurantist, elite and well on your way to become a fascist.

12. Children should be indoctrinated with Secularism when they are young.

13. Conversion out of Hinduism is a fundamental right of human beings. The right to Conversion and the resultant act of conversion to Hinduism is communalism. Acculturation of tribal Hindus with mainstream Hindu culture is a deep and conspiratorial fascist act of the Sangh parivar.

14. Secular Jihads, Secular Crusades and Secular Pogroms are all kosher as long as they restrict their attack on Hindus and Hinduism. When 50 women and children were burnt to death in Godhra, the newspaper reports made a special mention of the fact that they were Hindu Karsevaks (volunteers), implying that was the motive for killing them. Karsevaks were the children of a lesser God and their murder was therefore understandable. They had brought it upon themselves.

15. Hindu lives are cheap. According to Sharia, they are worth 1/16 the life of a Muslim, according to Secularism, they are worth evenless. It is interesting that the number of Hindu Lives lost in the subcontinent since independence in wars, riots etc is more than 16 times that of Muslim lives lost

16. Secularists cannot be Hindu. They can call themselves of ‘Hindu descent’, or ‘Hindu and Muslim’ or ‘good humans’ or ‘Good Muslims’ or ‘Good Christians’, but never, never, as ‘good Hindus’.

17. All Hindu acts of self assertion are Hindu fanaticism. All Hindu organizations that do not say ‘all religions are equally good’ areHindu Nazis. To assert pride in being a Hindu is an automatic qualifier to being termed a nationalist Hindu

18. All charities that do not cater to Minority victims are fascist. However, it is OK for NGO’s or other charities to cater to minoritycommunities preferentially.

19. Secularists claim to be virtuous because of their indifference to religion. But they draw the line when they are faced with the real test of acceptance of diversity in ideas. In general they tend to be extremely bigoted when faced with a viewpoint other than their own.