1.
If u see somecunt in the cinema buy popcorn, nachos n a juice theyre a drug dealer. No other explanation for that sort eh disposable income
2.
Here talk aboot the school being skint ,Puttin icing on a hot dog roll and calling it a cake Ahahahahahaha
3.
Can't be dealing wi waiters that ask how yer meal is as yer scoffing ur gob full of food, it's in yer name fuckin waiter minute
4.
ye dinny want shite old potatoes ye want
5.
still affronted at being £6.24 for a pishy baguette n irn bru this morning. Baguette Express? Baguette tae fuck.
6.
my brother just got his 4th unconditional for uni and av just eaten a dog biscuit thinkin it was chocolate
7.
Theres two type ae cunts in the world, folk that say French toast an then fucking reprobates that say eggy bread
8.
Hate these wee pricks , actual sit on yer plate n laugh at ye cos yer dinner is shite
9.
There's folk ma age having weans and av just had a tub ae Pringles for ma dinner.
10.
Ma maw knows a hate shreddies, n she's been hidin the scran in here for fkn ages wit a snake
11.
Why dae pot noodles have instructions? If ye canny figure out how tae pour hot water intae a container then ye shouldny be allowed a kettle
12.
Dominos asked robbie how many slices he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 6 n he said 4 cause he couldn't eat 6
13.
Canny see that lasting three month pal
14.
its mad to think that if you buy a triple sandwich at Tesco, someone else is eating the other half of the same sandwich
15.
what fat gimp in ma fuckin family did this
16.
imagine if toast was a4 size
17.
Wee bro just suggested they make Chinese menus like Avon books so u rub ur wrist on a page n smell wit u wanty eat. Tht wean is the future x
18.
Canny stand when ye offer someone a fruit pastille or something like that and they start trying to dictate what colour they're having
19.
Hen lets be real thats hot chocolate in a bowl
20.
Dinny trust anyone who bites ice cream pure terminator teeth
21.
Came in to the Hoose to find oot Ma maws made me fajitas a could honestly shag her sometimes
22.
Why is it when yer maw makes homemade soup it's breakfast lunch and dinner for the next 8 weeks eh yer life
23.
Ice cream and fucking wit?
24.
Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"
25.
Wanting a 2L Capri-sun that a can hang above ma bed n just slurp fuck oot it lit a big 6 foot hamster
26.
Y is my Instagram full of crushed avocado and poached eggs on toast for breakfast, just have some coco pops and piss off