• lol badge

18 Reasons Scotland And London Should Tell The Rest Of The UK To Fuck Off And Just Go It Alone

Let's bury the hatchet for good and found the Independent Republic of ScotLond.

1. So, it looks like the leaders of Scotland and London have been discussing Brexit.

2. We're both really good at protesting. Imagine all the fun protests that ScotLond could have!

Our witty, ironic signs are better together.

3. We have plenty of great job opportunities as well.

4. You won't miss the tube; we have one too.

5. Plus, you can get an entire Scottish castle for the same price as a Wandsworth flat.

6. Or you could buy your own island for £500,000.

7. Don't worry, Cockneys! We'll relocate you to beautiful Aberdeenshire.

You'll fit right in, as they also have unintelligible accents and a love of seafood.

8. And we've got plenty of space for the rest of you as well.

9. You want weird politicians? Sure! Here you go.

10. We have tons of hipsters too. You'll feel right at home.

Perhaps we could move our hipsters and your hipsters to an uninhabited island, where they could build as many cereal cafés and Man Boutiques as they wanted?

11. Plus, Edinburgh is basically Shoreditch.

12. You'll still be able to get your "quirky pop-ups" fix.

13. Not to mention pretentious, overpriced coffee from wanky coffee shops.

You can choose from a suitably confusing periodic table of coffee (and anti-coffee) at BrewLab. Or perhaps you'd prefer a takeaway coffee served in a shopping trolley?

14. "But where will I get my delicious, ridiculous, expensive burgers?" It's OK, just look:

15. And, on the topic of sweet oblivion, we also have plenty of Buckfast.

Everything about this referendum is an effort. "When everything's an effort. You need Buckfast Tonic Wine." #EUref

It's been helping Scottish people forget their troubles for many years.

16. But most importantly, we have similar political beliefs.

17. Although you might need to change your world view a bit.

Hi @Scotland do you want to join us? #Londout #LondonIndependence

To clarify: You'll be joining us, not the other way around. We're also happy to take Epsom, Woking, and East Hampshire as well. We have plenty of space.

18. Come on, just admit it. We belong together.

I've quickly designed a logo for our new country: #ScotLond

Please leave Boris Johnson behind though.