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18 Reasons Scotland And London Should Tell The Rest Of The UK To Fuck Off And Just Go It Alone

Let's bury the hatchet for good and found the Independent Republic of ScotLond.

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1. So, it looks like the leaders of Scotland and London have been discussing Brexit.

This can only mean one thing: A Scotland-London merger. What a good idea!
Twitter: @debraSHB

This can only mean one thing: A Scotland-London merger. What a good idea!

2. We're both really good at protesting. Imagine all the fun protests that ScotLond could have!

Our witty, ironic signs are better together.

3. We have plenty of great job opportunities as well.

Why would you want to be a city trader when you could work for this guy?
Gumtree / BuzzFeed

Why would you want to be a city trader when you could work for this guy?

4. You won't miss the tube; we have one too.

And it's much less crowded than yours.
Twitter: @butsay_

And it's much less crowded than yours.

5. Plus, you can get an entire Scottish castle for the same price as a Wandsworth flat.

It has a dining room, Grand Hall, billiard room, and a ballroom with a minstrels' gallery that you can use to house Chas and Dave.
search.savills.com

It has a dining room, Grand Hall, billiard room, and a ballroom with a minstrels' gallery that you can use to house Chas and Dave.

6. Or you could buy your own island for £500,000.

Your £500k also gets you with a three-bedroom cottage, outbuilding with guest room, boathouse, and slipway. Where better place to weather the coming storms?
search.savills.com

Your £500k also gets you with a three-bedroom cottage, outbuilding with guest room, boathouse, and slipway. Where better place to weather the coming storms?

7. Don't worry, Cockneys! We'll relocate you to beautiful Aberdeenshire.

You'll fit right in, as they also have unintelligible accents and a love of seafood.

8. And we've got plenty of space for the rest of you as well.

The Highland Council even have a dedicated empty homes page on their website. Or we could just saw London off, float it up the East Coast and anchor it there. Your call.
Twitter: @scottcuthbertson

The Highland Council even have a dedicated empty homes page on their website. Or we could just saw London off, float it up the East Coast and anchor it there. Your call.

9. You want weird politicians? Sure! Here you go.

Can we please agree that this guy would make a better Prime Minister than Boris?
theguardian.com

Can we please agree that this guy would make a better Prime Minister than Boris?

10. We have tons of hipsters too. You'll feel right at home.

Perhaps we could move our hipsters and your hipsters to an uninhabited island, where they could build as many cereal cafés and Man Boutiques as they wanted?

11. Plus, Edinburgh is basically Shoreditch.

Yes, Edinburgh actually has a fucking crème brûlée van. But, on the bright side, Edinburgh has a fucking crème brûlée van. Yum.
thecremacaravan.co.uk

Yes, Edinburgh actually has a fucking crème brûlée van. But, on the bright side, Edinburgh has a fucking crème brûlée van. Yum.

12. You'll still be able to get your "quirky pop-ups" fix.

You'll get used to haggis eventually. It's not half as grim as jellied eels.
Twitter: @popuppulse

You'll get used to haggis eventually. It's not half as grim as jellied eels.

13. Not to mention pretentious, overpriced coffee from wanky coffee shops.

You can choose from a suitably confusing periodic table of coffee (and anti-coffee) at BrewLab. Or perhaps you'd prefer a takeaway coffee served in a shopping trolley?

14. "But where will I get my delicious, ridiculous, expensive burgers?" It's OK, just look:

This burger is called the Meat Hammer and it will hammer your tastebuds and arteries into sweet, sweet oblivion.

15. And, on the topic of sweet oblivion, we also have plenty of Buckfast.

Everything about this referendum is an effort. "When everything's an effort. You need Buckfast Tonic Wine." #EUref

It's been helping Scottish people forget their troubles for many years.

16. But most importantly, we have similar political beliefs.

Well, apart from Sutton, Barking, Havering, or Bexley. They can't come. But the rest of you are more than welcome.
theguardian.com / BuzzFeed

Well, apart from Sutton, Barking, Havering, or Bexley. They can't come. But the rest of you are more than welcome.

17. Although you might need to change your world view a bit.

Hi @Scotland do you want to join us? #Londout #LondonIndependence

To clarify: You'll be joining us, not the other way around. We're also happy to take Epsom, Woking, and East Hampshire as well. We have plenty of space.

18. Come on, just admit it. We belong together.

I've quickly designed a logo for our new country: #ScotLond

Please leave Boris Johnson behind though.