22 Things Scots Do That Would Get Other People Thumped

Not wearing underwear, eating cheese-in-burgers, drinking all Hogmanay: It's great being Scottish.

1. Using "cunt" as a friendly greeting.

filthysentiments.co.uk

Not to mention "bawbag," "fannybaws", "twat", and "fud."

2. Getting your bum out at weddings.

Twitter: @kiltedguyuk

It's not a proper Scottish wedding unless you see a pair of hairy buttocks, and possibly a penis or two.

3. Making fun of Scottish towns.

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When we do it, it's funny. When outsiders do it, it means war.

4. Being casually smutty at all times.

Twitter: @claire_hammy

It's fine to make rude jokes in Scotland. Even if you're a van.

5. Drinking for three solid days at New Year.

Flickr: smudie / Creative Commons

It's less of a holiday, more of an endurance event for your liver.

6. Sunbathing literally anywhere.

Twitter: @DeeWardx

No one will judge you for this in Scotland. When a rare 10-minute period of sunshine hits, you've just got to take your shirt off and drop to the floor.

7. Eating deep-fried fast food.

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We thrive on batter-coated mystery meat burgers filled with bright yellow "cheese". They help us form a layer of blubber to keep ourselves warm in winter.

8. And having stuff like this for breakfast:

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If it isn't meat that's been ground up and forced into odd shapes, it isn't breakfast.

9. Saying "here" every few seconds.

Twitter: @lucyglen_

Lucy clearly isn't Scottish.

10. Being incredibly vengeful.

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If a non-Scot put up this sign they would be referred for therapy. We get away with it because we're hot-headed, tempestuous, passionate people. And also because it's quite hard to get an appointment for anger management on the NHS.

11. Spending whole weekends in the pub.

Channel 4 Films / BuzzFeed

Again, we see drinking more as a sport than a hobby. And we're all gold-medallists.

12. Ripping fifty shades of piss out of your friends.

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It's OK though, because our comebacks are always funny as fuck, and usually lead to laughter rather than hurt feelings.

13. And casting aspersions on people's mums.

Twitter: @Hilary_W

In other countries, insulting someone's mum is the DEFCON 1 of arguments. In Scotland, it's casual and easy. Like yer maw (sorry).

14. Swearing very very loudly at gigs.

Flickr: thetemps / Creative Commons / BuzzFeed

If you haven't shouted this at an A-list music celebrity, are you even Scottish?

15. Defending Irn-Bru to the death, even if we hate it.

The Leith Agency / Giphy

It's not brand loyalty, it's patriotism.

16. Tweeting in our own accent.

Twitter: @aldomax_

Scottish Twitter: The perfect blend of Scots, awesome swear words, ridiculous situations, weird slang, and txtspk. There's nothing quite like it.

17. Vandalising* statues.

geograph.org.uk / Creative Commons

*Improving.

18. Putting haggis on pizza.

Instagram: @cheviot62

To be fair, we're probably the only race who would actually want to do this.

19. Asking the police daft questions.

Twitter: @_IamMunz_

If Munz lived anywhere else, he'd be charged with wasting police time.

20. Conducting a whole phone conversation using just three words: "Awrite", "naw", and "aye."

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"And don't forget to buy your tickets." "Awrite." "Do you understand?" "Aye!" "You won't forget will you?" "Naw." *click*

21. Never mincing your words.

Twitter: @annjamieson

We tell it like it is, we say what we see, and if you don't like it you can fuck off.

22. Being very, very angry about things that happened in the 1300s.

educationscotland.gov.uk

"Bloody Edward I. I'll kick his heid in. Who does he think he is, eh?"

"Leave it Rab, he's not worth it. Also he died on July 7, 1307."

23. And, of course, trolling Donald Trump.

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"What are you going tae dae, Donald? Phone the polis? They're too busy dealing with time-wasting tweets from neds."