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24 Things You'll Remember If You Used To Visit Camelot Theme Park

Did you take the piss out of Puff Dragon?

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1. Feeling like an actual goddamn Knight of the Round Table as you approached the entrance to the park.

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It was definitely an accurate representation of a medieval castle, right down to the plastic sign and Walls ice cream branded bins.

2. Trying to pull the sword from the stone, even though you knew it was impossible.

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And climbing on top of the rock while you did it to get extra leverage.

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3. Getting your free map, and having an intense debate about which ride to go on first.

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It was always the water rides, so you could spend the rest of the day "drying off". But you never did dry off because you were in the North West and it was freezing.

4. Going on the caterpillar ride by the main gates even though you knew you were a bit too old.

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It was actually pretty good fun, especially when you went through the big apple. But it wasn't very King Arthury. They should have stuck a dragon's head on it.

5. Losing your breakfast on Excalibur 2.

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There was always some kid who lost a shoe as well, in fact it basically rained vomit and valuables. It was definitely one you steered well clear of.

7. Sitting at the back of the Dragon Coaster so you weren't overcome by diesel fumes.

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No other theme park in the world has an engine-powered roller coaster, probably because it isn't a very good idea.

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8. Feeling like you were going to fall out of the dinghy while getting drenched on Pendragon's Plunge.

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It definitely felt more like the sort of ride you should wear a swimming costume to go on; not all your clothes.

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14. Racing your friends on the Go Kart Track and feeling like a Formula One legend.

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And trying to crash into them as much as possible too, obviously. That's how F1 works, right?

15. Clambering through here while your exhausted relatives ate lunch at the food court.

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The indoor adventure playground was fun and boring in equal measure, because you knew you could actually be going on rides instead.

17. Shitting your pants when Knightmare went into that 5G nose dive.

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And feeling like a seatbelt definitely wasn't enough to hold you in. Could they not afford those massive collar things they have at other theme parks?

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18. Or, if you visited before 2000, having an equally pant-shitting time on The Tower of Terror.

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It definitely lived up to its name: The pitch-dark loop inside the castle was terrifying. Plus, like Knightmare, it also had a distinct lack of safety harnesses.

21. Insisting your parents buy you a plastic knight's helmet and sword from the gift shop.

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Even though you had two at home already, and you could buy them from any toy shop on Earth for much less.

24. And, of course, booing the Black Knight as loudly as possible, because you were convinced he was evil.

R.I.P. Camelot (1983 – 2012). Gone, but not forgotten.

Instagram: @left4decay

Every time we pass Junction 8 on the M61, we'll think of you.

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