18 Things About "The L Word" That Make Absolutely No Fucking Sense

It was the best worst programme of all time.

1. Why does Shane regularly dress like an ageing rock star in seasons 1 and 2?

Showtime / Getty / BuzzFeed

Showtime / BuzzFeed

In the first episode, she shows up wearing a tiny leather vest and some string. No one in the history of clothes has ever dressed like this on purpose. In short: "You're looking very Shane today" = "You look like Mick Jagger circa 1977."

2. In fact, all of the early outfits were bafflingly awful.

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Even when they weren't wearing shower curtains or beige plastic, the cast were strutting about in mirrored sunglasses, paisley bandanas, and cheesecloth shirts with birds embroidered on them (why, Tina, why). They deserved better.

3. Why are Bette and Tina friends with Shane?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

OK, they live next door to each other, but they have nothing in common. Shane is an unwashed, womanising waif and "Tibette" are basically the Zuckerbergs of the LA lesbian set. If they found her in their house IRL they would have her arrested.

4. Also, how can Shane and Jenny possibly afford to live next door to Bette and Tina?

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Bette and Tina have jobs like "art centre director" and "movie exec". Shane and Jenny have jobs like "assistant hair-sweeper" and "unemployed writer." Is Shane a secret millionaire? Did they win the house in a raffle? If not, this is just silly.

5. Why does Alice have her friends' entire sexual history written on her wall?

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OK, "The Chart" is a good plot device, but did you ever pause to think how weird and obsessive this is? Do people phone Alice post-fuck to ask her to add a name? Aren't the lesbians of LA entitled to a bit of privacy? So many questions.

6. And when she isn't updating the deeply invasive Chart, what does Alice actually do?

Showtime / thelwordspain.tumblr.com

Are we supposed to believe her podcast pays enough to keep her in whiteboard markers and floaty dresses? At one point she's a radio host, but she never seems to actually go to work: She's too busy prying into her friends' sex lives.

7. In fact, do any of them actually have jobs?

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The only person who seems to go to work regularly is Bette. Shane cuts hair about two times, Dana does the least training of any professional athlete ever, and Jenny very occasionally writes a terrible short story, usually about manatees.

8. Why does every woman who meets Shane immediately start frothing at the crotch?

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Sure, Kate Moennig is hot (especially these days), but Shane? Even after she moved on from her Keith Richards phase she still looked like she lived in a bin. And yet, somehow, she was strangely irresistible.

9. What does Bette actually see in Tina?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

Tina is always in a mood, even when Bette isn't cheating on her with carpenters. Ninety percent of Tina's character is sighing and the other ten percent is talking about home renovations. Oh Bette, you flashdancing goddess, you could have done better.

10. Also, what was it with Tina and Bette's insufferable nicknames?

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"T, T, T, Mama T, lets make a baby Mama T." It's a wonder their friends didn't drown them in the pool as well.

11. Why do we still remember the words to the awful theme tune?

Showtime

You know you do: "WOMEN WHO LONG LAUGH LUST WOMEN WHO GIIIIIIVE." It makes even less sense given how much we all hated it with a passion when it first warbled into our lives at the beginning of Season 2.

12. Why are new lesbians they meet always single?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

With the exception of Dawn Denbo and Her Lover Sindy, of course. Lara the soup chef, Papi, Jamie...don't they know single lesbians are rarer than unicorn balls?

13. Why was Ivan so ridiculously angry with Kit for walking in on him that one time?

Showtime

YOU GAVE HER KEYS, IVAN. YOU GAVE HER KEYS.

14. Why did Jenny let the creepy dude who secretly filmed her and Shane carry on living with them?

BuzzFeed / Showtime

Creepy Mark rigged their house with hidden cameras, but when Jenny found out she let him stay to "atone" for his crimes. How do you atone for that? Unfilm them? Delete the internet? Oh wait, yeah, their rent was super high. Never mind.

15. Why was there never a spin-off about Joyce and Phyllis?

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They could have called it The Later in Life Lesbian Word. They could have fought crime. Joyce would have been inexplicably naked most of the time. It would have been amazing.

16. Or a Netflix show called Helena Peabody: Prison Stud?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

Would 100% watch.

17. Why was Jenny never arrested for animal cruelty?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

Who adopts a dog only to GET IT PUT DOWN because you're trying to steal someone's girlfriend because they wrote a bad review of your shitty book? WHO? Oh yes, Jenny. Stacey Merkin should have turned her in for Grand Theft Sounder.

18. And, most importantly, who actually did kill Jenny?

Showtime / BuzzFeed

Bette, because she was a badass? The ghost of Sounder? Little baby Angelica, like that bit in The Simpsons where Maggie shoots Mr Burns? Yes, probably.