The 22 Most Batshit Insane Things That Have Happened In The Highlands

Want to see blemish-free nuts, or a big plastic willy? Come to the Scottish Highlands.

1. This sighting of a deeply pissed-off stag.

“Fuck you.” – This deer.

2. This elderly woman, who was spotted wheeling a 4ft penis around Inverness in her trolley.

And why not?

3. This unlucky sign placement.

“Yeah, I want to go on an adventure. But I don’t want it to be exciting.”
“Hold on I’ve got just the thing.”

4. This snack served up in an Oban guest house.

It’s probably best to ask for “cheese and crackers” next time.

5. This…er…thing.

“Do you have any hobbies?” “Yes I knit novelty Frozen condoms for bollards.”

6. This disturbing battle in Inverness.

What the fuck is a Pokeman? And why does it hate dolphins?

7. This unfortunately-worded advert.

8. This “diversion” on Jura.

Urgh how inconvenient.

9. And this Highland traffic jam.

First the diversion, now this.

10. This truly batshit advert.

 

“There are no blemishes on my nut.” Good to know.

11. This impractical suggestion.

12. This baffling “meltdown.”

???

13. Tom, who has built a 62-ton, whale-shaped boat called Moby on the shores of Loch Nevis.

 

As you do.

14. This disturbing discovery.

Pat clearly deserves a raise.

15. This sweet, but badly-thought-out, proposal.

“”Ewe will marry me Emma’. That seems a bit presumptuous.”
“Soz they’re supposed to be in a different order.”

16. This warning spotted in the West Highlands:

Canada has bears, Australia has sharks…we have weregoats.

17. This disgruntled pub owner in Inverness:

Who clearly likes their pub to smell like garbage and ash.

18. These men, who are too sexy for their kilts.

So sexy it hurts.

19. This incredibly vague sign.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

20. This bizarre hay bale sculpture.

“What do wheels look like, Tam?”
“Sushi.”

21. This selfie taken on the West Highland Way.

Yes, those are all midges. Fuckkkkk. *Crosses Scottish Highlands off bucket list.*

22. And this salty news report about Kanye West.

Highlanders aren’t impressed by celebrities. They’re impressed by whale boats, angry stags, and old ladies carrying big willies.

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Hilary Mitchell is the Scotland editor for BuzzFeed and is based in Edinburgh.
 
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