The 22 Most Batshit Insane Things That Have Happened In The Highlands

    Want to see blemish-free nuts, or a big plastic willy? Come to the Scottish Highlands.

    Hilary Mitchell
    by Hilary Mitchell

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    1. This sighting of a deeply pissed-off stag.

    Twitter: @ultrabrilliant

    "Fuck you." – This deer.

    2. This elderly woman, who was spotted wheeling a 4ft penis around Inverness in her trolley.

    unilad.co.uk

    And why not?

    3. This unlucky sign placement.

    Twitter: @SaltireComics

    "Yeah, I want to go on an adventure. But I don't want it to be exciting."

    "Hold on I've got just the thing."

    4. This snack served up in an Oban guest house.

    Twitter: @stephkerr

    It's probably best to ask for "cheese and crackers" next time.

    5. This...er...thing.

    Twitter: @morag_lindsay

    "Do you have any hobbies?" "Yes I knit novelty Frozen condoms for bollards."

    6. This disturbing battle in Inverness.

    Facebook: angrypeopleinlocalnewspapers

    What the fuck is a Pokeman? And why does it hate dolphins?

    7. This unfortunately-worded advert.

    imgur.com

    😬

    8. This "diversion" on Jura.

    imgur.com

    Urgh how inconvenient.

    9. And this Highland traffic jam.

    imgur.com

    First the diversion, now this.

    10. This truly batshit advert.

    Twitter: @megan_meldrum17
    Twitter: @megan_meldrum17

    "There are no blemishes on my nut." Good to know.

    11. This impractical suggestion.

    Imgur.com

    12. This baffling "meltdown."

    metro.co.uk

    ???

    13. Tom, who has built a 62-ton, whale-shaped boat called Moby on the shores of Loch Nevis.

    Twitter: @theroddyscott
    Twitter: @LaneByPost

    As you do.

    14. This disturbing discovery.

    Twitter: @pat869

    Pat clearly deserves a raise.

    15. This sweet, but badly-thought-out, proposal.

    imgur.com

    "''Ewe will marry me Emma'. That seems a bit presumptuous."

    "Soz they're supposed to be in a different order."

    16. This warning spotted in the West Highlands:

    17. This disgruntled pub owner in Inverness:

    imgur.com

    Who clearly likes their pub to smell like garbage and ash.

    18. These men, who are too sexy for their kilts.

    unilad.co.uk

    So sexy it hurts.

    19. This incredibly vague sign.

    imgur.com

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    20. This bizarre hay bale sculpture.

    Twitter: @GoNordicCruises

    "What do wheels look like, Tam?"

    "Sushi."

    21. This selfie taken on the West Highland Way.

    imgur.com

    Yes, those are all midges. Fuckkkkk. *Crosses Scottish Highlands off bucket list.*

    22. And this salty news report about Kanye West.

    Twitter: @TownsendMark

    Highlanders aren't impressed by celebrities. They're impressed by whale boats, angry stags, and old ladies carrying big willies.