1. This truly excellent point:
Why dae folk ask babies stupid shite lit "Ur gettin big arent ye?" As if the wee cunts gony be like aye Moira yer spot on am oan the protein
2. This wee genius:
3. This very weird threat:
Just seen a bird shoutin at her bairn to put his pants on then pointed at me sayin 'look the mans gonna steal ur willy'. Wtf no am no
4. This political punchline:
"Never have I ever ran through a field of wheat"
5. This appealing proposition:
Ye ever wanty just wrap yersel up in tin foil nice and cosy and then just fucking get right inty the microwave and blow yersel up tae fuck
6. This absolute twat of a cat:
Just fell through the roof trying to get the cat canny believe it she's still up there tae
7. This spot-on observation:
When the ref asks to see ur studs before kick off
8. This shocking realisation:
Took me 18 years to realise the alphabet is twinkle twinkle little stars.
9. This extremely subtle criminal:
Never sell a golf club on Facebook to someone from East Kilbride!
10. This brilliant description:
when you walk back into the sesh after throwing up
11. This universal truth:
sudocrem acc fixes everythin wee bita acne??? sudocrem! broke yer leg? put some sudocrem on it!!! yer boyfs cheatin on ye? sudocrem the cunt
12. This hilarious comparison:
Glasgow vs Cambridge
13. This withering put-down:
Obviously fuckin not
14. This baffling bit of first aid:
Meanwhile in Glasgow... #pigeonCPR
15. This excellent celebrity lookalike:
put an elastic band round ma head in work n sumdy said a look like cara delevinge n tbh a see it
16. Not to mention this one:
My uncle went Magaluf for a stag weekend and everyone thought he was Morgan Freeman
17. This tragic fall from grace:
Paris Hilton having a clothing line with lidl is the absolute grand finale of 2016
18. This brilliant takeaway review:
this review someone left on just eat 😂😂😭😭
19. This "at least they tried" pub sign:
👍 #fohlenelf #UCL #CELBMG
20. This pill-popping gran:
Fuck sake Gran it's only Wednesday
21. And this confusing dedication:
A boy at avicii telt me his dad died cos of MDMA and when the beat dropped he was proper crying his eyes out shoutin "ma dad died for this"
22. This disgruntled employee:
Funny that @sainsburys xmas advert is all about being at home wi family at xmas, yet they've got me down to work xmas eve and boxing day
23. And finally, this beautiful morning serenade:
Never change, Scottish Twitter. Never change.