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    22 Scottish Mysteries That Are Far More Confusing Than Loch Ness

    Why Scotch pie and bean pizza exists, and other mysteries.

    1. Why any of our cafés have outdoor seating areas.

    Twitter: @ArtyBagger

    "Hey, I think I'll sit on this soaking wet chair to eat my sandwich!" – No one, ever.

    2. How this book ends up in everyone's bathroom.

    3. And why every Scottish household owns one of these tea towels:

    Twitter: @doctor_hacker

    Again, no one has ever bought one of these.

    4. Why we do such terrible things to food.

    Twitter: @GraizzA25

    Yes, that really is a Scotch pie and baked bean pizza.

    5. And why we're so obsessed with batter.

    Twitter: @OnceUponASophie

    Spring rolls are already wrapped in pastry and then deep-fried. Which means you'd probably have to use a drill to get into this.

    6. Why everyone's grandparents have thousands of CDs like this.

    Where do they get them from? They never go out, they can't work the internet, plus these CDs are only available in the bargain bins at rural petrol stations.

    7. And why all mums have at least one of these DVDs.

    8. Why Scottish pubs still think this is an original joke.

    Ha ha.

    9. Why anyone drinks Buckfast.

    It tastes like treacle mixed with poo.

    10. Why we pay £100+ each year to spend a weekend wallowing in muddy wee and listening to DJ Tiesto.

    Twitter: @W1977Laura

    Not to mention being slide-tackled by neds.

    11. Why we've allowed the Krankies to be celebrities for so many years.

    Channel 4

    They're quite scary.

    12. Why anyone eats "well-fired" rolls.

    13. Why we regularly serve food in pizza boxes and cups.

    Twitter: @doctor_hacker

    Plates are fine. We should probably use plates.

    14. Why we find swearing so incredibly funny.

    It's a bit weird that we find it so much fucking funnier than any other fucker on Earth.

    15. Why River City is still a thing.

    BBC /

    It's been on TV so long that Outlander star Sam Heughan appeared on it while he was still a foetus. But how has it endured for so many years? Do nans watch it?

    16. Not to mention kilt towels.

    Twitter: @lorrainel

    Who is buying these? And, more importantly, why.

    17. Why we're all willing to risk death to get a tan.

    Go to the park, or dangle out of a window? Hmm. Tough call.

    18. And why we never wear enough suncream.

    Twitter: @Davie72bears

    "I'll just use Factor 10 I want to get a tan oh help I'm on fire."

    19. Why we have so many place names that are pretty much exactly the same.

    Twitter: @olivernmoody

    There are two Isles of Fladda, two Borerays, a Bruray and a Burray, a Gigha and a Gighay, a Craigleith and a Craiglethy. Is it just to confuse tourists?

    20. Why we consider climbing huge fuckoff mountains to be a casual, easy day out.

    "Let's bag a munro today!" "OK, sounds fun!" *10 hours later* "I hate you."

    21. Why we choose to live in a country that's so deeply unpredictable.

    If the weather doesn't freeze or burn you to death, the midges will eat you alive.

    22. And, most importantly of all, why we don't dress like this all the time.

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