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    21 Secrets University Support Staff Won't Tell You

    Guess what? We don't like running information stalls any more than you like turning up to them.

    1. Spending most of your time with students makes you feel really old.

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    2. But that doesn't stop you trying (and failing) to be "down with the kids".

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    Even if you don't mean to, you still find yourself accidentally spouting decade old slang phrases at various fairs, advice events, and workshops. Bogus.

    3. You have a special expression that you reserve for lecturers, tutors, and professors.

    The academic staff think they're gods despite the fact you actually do most of the work, help students stay happy, and make sure everyone gets paid.

    4. You spend every summer holiday catching up on "important work".

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    If by "important work" you mean enjoying insanely long holidays.

    5. And every time September rolls round, you feel like you understand the students even less.

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    "What the hell is Yik Yak?"

    6. The first day of Freshers' Week always feels like riding into battle.

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    7. And running student information stands is horrendously exhausting.

    8. At times, it's almost impossible to avoid saying the phrase, "Let me Google that for you."

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    "Where's the nearest bank?" "What does 'matriculate' mean?" "Where can I buy stamps?" Guys, we're student support workers, not Siri.

    9. You hate handing out sexual health leaflets almost as much as students hate receiving them.

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    "This one's about bum fun."

    10. Although after a while you become incredibly desensitised to condoms (no pun intended).

    11. You're secretly overjoyed whenever a student asks you what you study.

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    You cling to the belief that you look like a fresher even though, deep down, you know they thought you were a mature student.

    12. It's soul destroying when you put on a great event for students and none of them show up.

    13. But the free food you end up with partially makes up for it.

    14. You spend hours trying to write engaging, attention-grabbing emails to students.

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    Despite the fact you know they never read them.

    15. You feel a bit jealous when you see students having fun outside your office during the daytime.

    16. But then you remember what living in student halls is actually like.

    17. You genuinely care (and worry) about the students you support.

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    Especially when you know they're ignoring your advice pamphlets and making bad life decisions.

    18. But you have no time for students who come to you asking for help at the very last minute.

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    "I'M ABOUT TO GRADUATE AND I HAVE NO JOB LINED UP OH GOD."

    "Maybe you should have come to my Free Cupcake Careers Chat three years ago."

    19. Or the ones who are overdramatic.

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    Whatever, at least you don't have to get up in the morning. Or pay council tax.

    20. Though you have to admit that students are also the best part of your job.

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    The non-dramatic, helpful ones are pretty inspiring.

    21. And you miss them when they graduate.

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