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21 Secrets University Support Staff Won't Tell You

Guess what? We don't like running information stalls any more than you like turning up to them.

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2. But that doesn't stop you trying (and failing) to be "down with the kids".

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Even if you don't mean to, you still find yourself accidentally spouting decade old slang phrases at various fairs, advice events, and workshops. Bogus.

3. You have a special expression that you reserve for lecturers, tutors, and professors.

The academic staff think they're gods despite the fact you actually do most of the work, help students stay happy, and make sure everyone gets paid.

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7. And running student information stands is horrendously exhausting.

Not least because you always have to get up at about 5am to set up the stall.

8. At times, it's almost impossible to avoid saying the phrase, "Let me Google that for you."

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"Where's the nearest bank?" "What does 'matriculate' mean?" "Where can I buy stamps?" Guys, we're student support workers, not Siri.

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10. Although after a while you become incredibly desensitised to condoms (no pun intended).

Seriously, there are condoms everywhere. Want some free condoms? Show up to any office or department in any university building.

11. You're secretly overjoyed whenever a student asks you what you study.

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You cling to the belief that you look like a fresher even though, deep down, you know they thought you were a mature student.

12. It's soul destroying when you put on a great event for students and none of them show up.

"Why did no one come to our Free Cupcake Careers Chat?"

"There was a foam party at the union."

13. But the free food you end up with partially makes up for it.

"Does anyone want 13 buckets of Freddos? No one showed up to our student networking event/ workshop/ volunteering fair/ awareness week."

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15. You feel a bit jealous when you see students having fun outside your office during the daytime.

They're playing bubble football, you're writing an accommodation services newsletter. It really isn't fair.

16. But then you remember what living in student halls is actually like.

17. You genuinely care (and worry) about the students you support.

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Especially when you know they're ignoring your advice pamphlets and making bad life decisions.

18. But you have no time for students who come to you asking for help at the very last minute.

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"I'M ABOUT TO GRADUATE AND I HAVE NO JOB LINED UP OH GOD."

"Maybe you should have come to my Free Cupcake Careers Chat three years ago."

21. And you miss them when they graduate.

But it's OK; you'll get to do it all over again next year.

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