Skip To Content
    Posted on Oct 26, 2016

    11 Islands You Could Buy For The Price Of A Shit London Flat

    Would you rather own a luxury island mansion with a helipad in Scotland, or a poky shithole in Chelsea?

    1. Would you rather live in this underwhelming maisonette...

    Location: Shepherd's Bush

    Bedrooms: Four

    Price: £750,000

    • Beautiful, vintage cardboard carpet, only lightly stained.

    • Right next door to a building merchant, which is handy as you'll probably need a lot of tools and supplies.

    • Will probably get quite a bit of natural light once the windows aren't boarded up any more.

    This stunning, tranquil island with its own post office?

    Location: Tamera Mor, the Summer Isles (Na h-Eileanan Samhraidh)

    Bedrooms: 12

    Price: £700,000

    • Price includes three residences (the Schoolhouse, the Farmhouse, and Murdo's Cottage).

    • It also comes with a post office that makes and sells Summer Isles memorabilia and stamps.

    • Free bunting.

    2. Do you want to own this slightly claustrophobic studio...

    Location: Kensington

    Bedrooms: None, technically

    Price: £500,000

    • You can play a fun game with guests called "is this a wardrobe or a bed?"

    • Lovely view of a weird curvy roof.

    • Right beside Kensington Palace, so you're constantly reminded of how much money you don't have.

    ...this idyllic harbour island with a three-bedroom cottage and guest house?

    Location: Harbour Island, the Summer Isles (Na h-Eileanan Samhraidh)

    Bedrooms: Five

    Price: £500,000

    • The island boasts nine acres of rugged woodland, gardens, and even a boathouse.

    • You'll also get a guesthouse that you could rent out as holiday accommodation.

    • You can commute by boat to Ullapool, where they have jobs and a big Tesco.

    3. Do you want to live on this converted barge...

    Location: Canary Wharf

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £330,000

    • The boat has 360° views of a lot of dockside industrial machinery.

    • It was originally listed for £499,950, which is a lot for a 75-foot-long property.

    • Ideal home for an investment banker who secretly wants to be a pirate.

    ...on this serene 40-acre island with a farmhouse, a mill, and a stable?

    Location: Orkney

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £300,000

    • This pretty island has a wind turbine that generates free electricity.

    • The farmhouse is move-in ready and could be converted to add more bedrooms.

    • It's linked to the mainland by a causeway, so you don't have to buy a boat, let alone live on one.

    4. Do you want to splash your cash on this forbidding flat...

    Location: Clapham

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £450,000

    • The building appears to be made out of gunmetal grey Lego blocks.

    • You'll get your own parking space, which is handy.

    • Unfortunately, you'll also be living in a flat that looks like a shit office.

    ...this 19-acre private island and home near Sir Paul McCartney's estate?

    Location: Just off the Mull of Kintyre

    Bedrooms: Three

    Price: £450,000

    • Just 15 miles from the gorgeous Carskiey Estate, owned by Sir Paul McCartney.

    • The octagonal, modernist home is super fancy and comfortable inside.

    • Your only neighbours are sheep, and international superstars who changed the face of music.

    5. Do you want to buy this rather unloved tower block flat...

    Location: Walthamstow

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £300,000

    • Laminate flooring throughout, which is ideal for doing skids.

    • Could do with a lick of paint or three.

    • Furniture seems to be from DFS's "depressed 1980s bachelor" range.

    ...two beautiful island retreats and a six-bedroom house?

    Location: Orkney

    Bedrooms: Six

    Price: £300,000

    • Your great big house has its own wind turbine: Hello free electricity.

    • It's just a short boat trip (or icy-cold swim) away from the bustling town of Stromness.

    • The house is on Inner Holm, but you also get another island (Outer Holm) too, buy-one-get-one-free style.

    6. Would you like to own this very strange property in London...

    Location: Peckham

    Bedrooms: One

    Price: £1,000,000

    • Around 5,000 sq ft of floor space, almost all of which is full of folding plastic chairs.

    • Lovely view of a back alley full of rubble.

    • It used to be the Redeemed Christian Church of God, so confused people might try to hold weddings in your living room.

    ...heavenly Rudh-A-Chruidh island in the Scottish Highlands?

    Location: Oban Bay on the west coast of Scotland

    Bedrooms: Three

    Price: £950,000

    • The house has a designer kitchen, underfloor heating, steam room, sauna, and balcony.

    • You also get a fancy beach house thrown in too, with a drawing room, dining room, and big kitchen.

    • The helicopter isn't included in the price, but the helipad is.

    7. Would you like this microscopic studio flat...

    Location: Chelsea

    Price: £400,000

    Bedrooms: None, technically.

    • It's just a room, basically, but it does have a separate toilet.

    • Those fitted wardrobes are actually a bed, so you'll have to keep your clothes in a bag.

    • The interior looks like a MFI showroom circa 1994.

    ...2,754 acres of land, a three-bedroom house, and free seafood?

    Location: The Aird Bheag Estate, Outer Hebrides

    Bedrooms: Three

    Price: £375,000

    • The 2,754-acre estate includes a three-bedroom property with a veranda overlooking a private bay.

    • Surrounding seas are packed with oysters, lobsters, and scallops.

    • There's also a stone circle, so it's ideal if you're a practising pagan who likes seafood.

    8. Would you prefer to drop almost 3 million quid on this small flat...

    Location: Whitehall

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £2,750,000

    • It has a balcony with sweeping views into the windows of the flats right opposite.

    • Literally every single one of your neighbours will be a politician.

    • Doesn't seem to have been redecorated since 1952.

    ...spend your money on a lavish Scottish island that's fit for a king?

    Location: Loch Craignish, Argyll

    Bedrooms: Seven

    Price: £2,500,000

    • Eilean Righ means "King's Island" in Gaelic.

    • The 238-acre island has a mansion, a 500-square-metre helicopter hangar, two slipways, and a jetty.

    • It's basically an ideal hideaway for a wannabe James Bond, or an evil supervillain.

    9. Would you rather buy this slightly scruffy London home...

    Location: Walthamstow

    Price: £575,000

    Bedrooms: Four

    • It's a good size, but needs quite a bit of renovation.

    • You can pretend you're in an episode of EastEnders every day.

    • The beds are floor-based, and the decor is tennis-racquet-based.

    ...two islands, a five-bedroom farmhouse, and an artist's studio?

    Location: Burray, Orkney

    Bedrooms: Six

    Price: £580,000

    • 395 acres spread over two beautiful islands (it's another buy-one-get-one-free deal).

    • Main residence is a five-bedroom stone farmhouse.

    • There's also an artist's studio (pictured), which you could rent out as a holiday home.

    10. Would you prefer to buy this cramped home on the outskirts of London...

    Location: Stratford

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £300,000

    • The architect clearly had a thing for incredibly narrow rooms.

    • Not one but two satellite dishes, so you can watch twice as much TV.

    • Free flag!

    ...the truly lovely Isle of Linga off the coast of Shetland?

    Location: The west coast of Shetland

    Bedrooms: Seven (kind of)

    Price: £250,000

    • An unspoilt 63-acre island located in the scenic and sheltered Vaila Sound.

    • A local architecture firm has already drawn up plans to renovate the island's two run-down cottages.

    • Getting the cottages restored won't break the bank; the buyer can apply for a free development grant.

    11. And finally, is this gloomy, low-level flat more your style...

    Location: Islington

    Bedrooms: Two

    Price: £2,500,000

    • It's described as "cavernous" by the estate agents, which is a bit of an understatement.

    • Lovely grey and black colour scheme that highlights the lack of windows.

    • Comes with two underground vaults, so it's an ideal home for a crypt keeper or murderer.

    ...would you prefer this huge estate with six houses, and a 9-acre private island?

    Location: Kilchoan Estate in the Inner Hebrides

    Bedrooms: Seven in the main mansion, around 10 in the other five houses.

    Price: £2,225,000

    • The estate comes with 750 acres of grounds, a herd of wild deer, and a private 9-acre island.

    • It also features three holiday cottages, a restored two-bedroom barn, and a two-bedroom farmhouse.

    • London can just piss off, frankly.

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form