back to top

21 Things Glasgow Has That The Rest Of The World Urgently Needs

Breakfast munchy boxes and cupcake vending machines, for a start.

Posted on

1. Subcrawls.

Instagram: @liambrown1992

Quick question: If your city has a subway system and you don't use it to get really drunk while travelling in a circle, then what's the point of it?

2. Street art that's actually good.

London (and everywhere else), you can keep Banksy. We've got Rogue One.
Flickr: pcds / Creative Commons

London (and everywhere else), you can keep Banksy. We've got Rogue One.

3. Breakfast munchy boxes.

Breakfast in a pizza box.... #Glasgow #munchiebox #onlyinglasgow

Normal munchy boxes are great, but this breakfast version is a true work of art. And they deliver, so you don't have to burn any calories walking to get it. Bonus.

4. Quality patter.

You really don't get this level of excellent banter anywhere else in the UK.
Facebook: 63326661251 / Thinkstock

You really don't get this level of excellent banter anywhere else in the UK.

5. Bread Meats Bread.

Instagram: @breadmeatsbread

It's the most ridiculous burger joint in Glasgow, if not the world. This is the triple patty Cali Burger; it will make you happy and then dead.

6. The ability to make the most of the weather.

10 degrees spring is here. Govan's Gregg's has got the street furniture out. You could swear you were in Barcelona.

Not actually raining? We'll eat al fresco. Ten degrees out? We'll take our taps aff and sunbathe. Face it, you're in the UK: You're never going to actually feel warm.

7. The Barras.

This huge, historic, fun market will cater for all your needs. Providing those needs are a multipack of lighters with naked ladies on, and some £4.99 sunglasses.
commons.wikimedia.org / Creative Commons

This huge, historic, fun market will cater for all your needs. Providing those needs are a multipack of lighters with naked ladies on, and some £4.99 sunglasses.

8. And the beautiful Barrowland Ballroom.

Just look at that sign. So majestic.
Flickr: rob-sinclair / Creative Commons

Just look at that sign. So majestic.

9. This excellent chant.

Instagram: @sharonscouller

The next time you're at a gig, make the crowd scream: "HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKING GO." It's very fun and liberating, until you inevitably get chucked out.

10. Brie pakora...

Instagram: @glasgowfoodgeek

The Balti Club sells dozens of types of weirdly delicious pakora, including brie and cashew nut, proving once and for all that Glaswegians will deep fry anything.

11. ...and Buckfast korma.

Instagram: @patrik

Seriously, don't knock House of Shah's Buckorma 'til you've tried it. It's a delight.

12. Parks that look like this:

Pollok Park is ridiculous. It features a historic mansion, a sawmill, acres of grounds, horses, Highland cows, and an art gallery. Beat that, Hyde Park. Oh, you can't.
Flickr: 43264888@N04 / Creative Commons

Pollok Park is ridiculous. It features a historic mansion, a sawmill, acres of grounds, horses, Highland cows, and an art gallery. Beat that, Hyde Park. Oh, you can't.

13. Genuinely affordable taxis.

Instagram: @thenna

Uber can get tae fuck. Glasgow taxis don't do surge pricing; in fact you can get across town for about a fiver, and you get some free patter thrown in too. Bargain.

14. Limmy.

Comedian Limmy isn't massive outside of Glasgow, though he really deserves to be. Check out Limmy's Show, or follow him on Twitter for a real treat.

15. A science centre that looks like a crashed spaceship.

It just feels very appropriate. Also, look how pretty it is, especially on the one day of the year it isn't raining.
Flickr: bruce89 / Creative Commons

It just feels very appropriate. Also, look how pretty it is, especially on the one day of the year it isn't raining.

16. Truly batshit news headlines.

Instagram: @lastyearsgirl_

Waking up to see "GLASGOW MAN IN COURT FOR FEEDING SAUSAGE ROLL TO POLICE HORSE" makes your day. The news in the rest of the UK is far too boring.

17. A cupcake vending machine.

Instagram: @amanson91

We lost this masterpiece when the bakery firm behind it went bust. It's definitely something that the rest of the world needs. But first, we need to get it back.

18. Mr Ben Retro Clothing.

Instagram: @k___law

Having said that, you can't really take fab vintage clothing emporium Mr Ben away. If you did, the Glasgow hipster community would die out immediately.

19. A statue that's so iconic its cone was painted gold to celebrate Scottish success in the 2012 Olympics.

Instagram: @meeeeejulie

We don't need gold postboxes, thanks.

20. Tightrope violin guy.

You see buskers playing the violin all the time, but playing the violin while walking a tightrope and being heckled by neds? Now that's unique.
imgur.com

You see buskers playing the violin all the time, but playing the violin while walking a tightrope and being heckled by neds? Now that's unique.

21. Glaswegians.

Instagram: @arthurklim

Warm, witty, honest, direct people who use "bawbag" as a term of endearment and tell it exactly like it is? What's not to like? Gies a shout and we'll pop round.