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    19 Things You'll Relate To If You Fucking Hate Live Music

    We love music, we just don't enjoy being farted on by extremely tall men.

    1. Sorry to have to break this to you, guys, but gigs are basically the worst thing since the plague.

    2. BTW, I'm not talking about concerts in massive arenas where you basically watch your favourite singer on TV.

    3. No, I'm talking about crushed-together, smelly, standing-only, loud, hot, gritty, jostly gigs.

    4. Unless you're a giant, you can't see a thing.

    5. Want a drink? LOL. Enjoy spending most of your night waiting in a huge queue for a pint of tepid £6 lager.

    6. People think it's acceptable to just smash into you.

    7. Or pogo up and down on your foot.

    8. And other people shout-talk all the way through.

    9. In fact, all rules of polite society disappear.

    10. There are always at least two totally mashed idiots.

    11. There's usually an inexplicably furious one as well.

    12. But the Gig Men are far, far worse.

    13. Another side effect of being crammed into a room full of drunk people is...the farts.

    14. The security staff always seem to be in a state of barely controlled, frustrated rage.

    15. The backache. Oh god, the backache.

    16. And before you say "but bands always sound better live." No they don't. Not always.

    17. You can zip the "oh, but it's nice to get out of the house and be sociable!" argument too.

    18. You like the band; why ruin that by listening to their music in such an uncomfortable environment?

    19. Do yourself a massive favour, and just listen to your favourite album at home instead.