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21 Insanely Vital Life Skills New Edinburgh Students Must Master

This really is the only Freshers' Guide you need.

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1. How to make it to your 9am lecture on Thursday after £1 shots at The Cav on Wednesday.

Instagram: @ansleyclark

Answer: Just don't go to bed.

5. How to have sex in a bed that's only 90cm wide.

Facebook: UoELiving

You have to become a contortionist to avoid smashing your elbows into the wall, and don't even think about letting them sleep over; it's literally impossible.

6. Starting an essay at 2am and finishing it by 9am, fuelled only by this elixir of life.

Instagram: @cjhimself

Sure, Red Bull tastes better, but it's £1.70 a can. This stuff is a bargain.

7. And how to reach a minimum essay word count without actually writing anything meaningful.

Twitter: @deanfluence

This is particularly useful when writing English literature essays when you haven't actually bothered reading the book.

12. Learning to enjoy Tennent's.

Instagram: @rorynicholl

Yes, it tastes a bit like pish. But it's cheap, it's everywhere, and it's 4%. Drink it.

13. And learning to love your Snapfax.

Instagram: @thomas_shek

"Look! You get 50% off glasses!" "Carol you don't wear glasses." "I know but what a bargain."

15. How to shop for a Meadows barbecue.

Instagram: @pgss_edinburgh

Three crates of beer, one disposable barbecue, one pack of value sausages. Done.

17. How to put together a last-minute Halloween costume using only stuff you can find in here.

Twitter: @TheTabEdinburgh

Edinburgh Bargain Stores: Providing students with cheap plastic masks and crap props since 1996. And yes, this photo was taken on Halloween.

18. Or Armstrong's, if you're feeling flush.

Instagram: @nuriaseron

And have a two-inch waist. Seriously, why are vintage clothes so tiny?

19. How to block a giant gap in the top of a window with tea towels, old socks, and duct tape.


Your landlord: "Oh yeah naw sorry we can't replace the windows because it's like a listed building or some shit."

21. And, most importantly of all, how to score the most free pizza in Freshers' Week.

Twitter: @callumleslie92

This one's easy: Just keep going round the Societies Fair again and again for two days in a row. Whether you're a Fresher, a fourth year, or someone who left university 13 years ago and just really likes free pizza, it works every time.

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