1. Because we're good at defending ourselves from marauders...
It helps that a lot of us used to be marauders ourselves. Top tip: Don't mess with the people of Shetland, because most of them are descended from Vikings.
2. ...we rarely shy away from a fight...
3. ... and our terrifying threats send chills down the spines of our enemies.
4. Because we've got plenty of room...
5. ...and we're extremely welcoming...
6. ...but we have fairly high standards, too.
We can't just let anyone in, after all.
7. Because we've got shitloads of whisky...
8. ...and all the essential supplies you need.
9. Plus you can train Aberdeen seagulls to find food.
10. Because Scotland is tranquil as fuck.
11. And there are plenty of lookout points.
12. And lots of places to hide.
13. Because our politicians are total badasses.
And they're not afraid to stand up for themselves. Oan yersel', Nicola hen.
14. And when the ice caps melt, you can escape to this nifty home on stilts.
Bring it on, rising floodwaters caused by climate change!