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The 19 Types Of People You Always See At T In The Park

Beware the Slam Tent zombie.

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1. Taps aff guy.

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Taps aff guy is easily identifiable from his lack of tap. It'll be aff all weekend, regardless of the weather, though he might mix it up a bit by wearing a flag cape.

2. The hardened veteran.

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They wear all of their wristbands to show how much of a veteran TITP-goer they are. And how much money they've spent over the years.

3. The startlingly young teenager.

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"How are you here? Aren't you too young to be here? How did you get in?"

4. The person who peaked way, way too soon.

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It's ok, just step over them. And try not to wake them up.

5. Someone's dad.

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So that's how all those under-16s are getting in: They have to be accompanied by a tired, bored adult who hates loud noises, mud, and Avicii.

6. The unfortunate body paint tan line victim.

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Bet that heart shape in UV paint seemed like a great idea at the time.

7. The equally unfortunate prank victim.

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Thought they were your mates, did ya? Think again.

8. The lads on tour.

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LADS! LADS! LADS! Banter = epic. Hashtag = cheeky.

9. The slam tent zombie.

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They're sweaty, they're red-eyed, they're all about that bass, and they've never seen the sun because they sleep all day and slam all night.

10. The bad tempered rain-o-phobe.

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"I thought it would be sunny. I'm so sad. My weekend and hairstyle are ruined." It's Scotland. It was bound to rain. Buy a yellow poncho and get over it.

11. The person who is so hungover they're going to die soon, please get them some water oh god.

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Top tip: Don't mix cider, Tennent's, whisky, vodka vapour, and red wine if you're sleeping in a hot tent with no water.

12. The happy glamper.

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They're clean, cheerful, dry, their tent isn't covered in graffiti, pee and Tennent's, plus they've slept well. They're cheating, basically. Shun them.

13. The festival couple.

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They hooked up outside the Slam Tent on Friday night. They can't remember each other's names. But they're totally in love... For the next hour or two at least.

14. The survivalist.

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They've emptied Scotmid of all their booze and crisps, but they've still got the beer fear. "Maybe I should have gone to Lidl as well."

15. The solitary hipster.

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Usually found in the T Break Tent wearing a vintage cardigan, sipping red wine and saying things like "I'm only here to discover new music, yeah?"

16. The dick.

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You can hand out as many "Don't Be A Dick" stickers as you want: There's always one nearby, and they're probably pissing on your tent right now.

17. The person who is having the TIME of their LIFE.

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And they've never felt this way before. They can't even handle it right now omg.

18. That one dude who just isn't feeling it.

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"I don't know who any of these bands are and I don't like Tennent's."

19. You.

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You're with your best mates, you don't mind the rain, and you're certainly not a dick. It's T time again and it's going to be a pure belter. Yaldi!

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