Teacakes taste like barely-there clouds of foamy nonsense, while wafers are dense, solid, chewy, chocolatey delights.
SaltVia ThinkstockSugarVia Thinkstock
Sugar! Lots and lots of sugar.
Seriously, why would you put salt in porridge? The kinds of people who do that probably make it with water instead of milk as well. It's 2016 for fuck sake, you're not in Oliver Twist.
Square sausage, of course!
Square sausage fits perfectly onto a roll, tastes delicious, and is just basically the best food in the world. Link sausages are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's really vinegary. It's thin. It's kind of like gravy but it isn't gravy. It's sort of like brown sauce but it isn't brown sauce. If you like it you're wrong.
There's only one sort of roll that's robust enough to hold a breakfast doubler or tripler, and that's a solid, crispy, well-fired roll. Soft, limp, floppy morning rolls just can't compete.
Scotch pies have a disgraceful, sultry, dribbly, hangover-curing greasiness that bridies just can't compete with. Plus you can put them in a roll to create the masterpiece that is the roll and pie.
Hell yes!Hell no
What else are you going to eat to soak up the booze after a night out? A salad? Get tae.
Red Kola is ~OK~, but it just doesn't cure a hangover as well as 'bru.
Let's all be honest for a wee minute here: Tennent's tastes like pish.
Haggis and black pepper!
Whisky is a drink. It should not be a crisp.
It tastes like rancid cough syrup mixed with wee. Sure, it gives you the energy to sesh all night long, but at what cost?
Yo, coconut ice, I'mma let you finish, but macaroons are the best way to get your coconut fix of all time. Of all time.
Battering and frying a whole pizza is just going a wee bit too far, frankly. Plus they only ever put crap frozen pizzas in the fryer.
Sugary delightNational shame
Come on, it's just a melty-hot battered chocolate bar, no need to get aw judgemental. Plus they're proper tasty with ice cream.
Tattie sconesHash browns
Tattie scones are delicious, flavourful, soft, and the best way to mop up your breakfast remnants. If you're Scottish and you said hash browns you're basically a bad person. Shame on you. Shame. Shame. *Rings shame bell*.