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Are deep-fried Mars bars a sugary delight, or a national shame?

How Wrong Are Your Scottish Food Opinions?

Teacakes taste like barely-there clouds of foamy nonsense, while wafers are dense, solid, chewy, chocolatey delights.

Caramel wafers!

Tunnock's caramel wafer or Tunnock's teacake?

Seriously, why would you put salt in porridge? The kinds of people who do that probably make it with water instead of milk as well. It's 2016 for fuck sake, you're not in _Oliver Twist_.

Sugar! Lots and lots of sugar.

Salt or sugar in your porridge?

Square sausage fits perfectly onto a roll, tastes delicious, and is just basically the best food in the world. Link sausages are ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

Square sausage, of course!

Square sausage or link sausage?

It's really vinegary. It's thin. It's kind of like gravy but it isn't gravy. It's sort of like brown sauce but it isn't brown sauce. If you like it you're wrong.

Shit!

Chippy sauce: Delicious or shit?

There's only one sort of roll that's robust enough to hold a breakfast doubler or tripler, and that's a solid, crispy, well-fired roll. Soft, limp, floppy morning rolls just can't compete.

Well-fired rolls

Well-fired rolls or morning rolls?

Scotch pies have a disgraceful, sultry, dribbly, hangover-curing greasiness that bridies just can't compete with. Plus you can put them in a roll to create the masterpiece that is the roll and pie.

Scotch pies!

Bridies or Scotch pies?

What else are you going to eat to soak up the booze after a night out? A salad? Get tae.

Hell yes!

Munchie boxes: Hell yes or hell no?

Red Kola is ~OK~, but it just doesn't cure a hangover as well as 'bru.

Irn-Bru!

Red Kola or Irn-Bru?

Let's all be honest for a wee minute here: Tennent's tastes like pish.

Deuchars!

Tennent's or Deuchars?

Whisky is a drink. It should not be a crisp.

Haggis and black pepper!

Haggis and black pepper, or haggis and whisky crisps?

It tastes like rancid cough syrup mixed with wee. Sure, it gives you the energy to sesh all night long, but at what cost?

Naw!

Buckfast: Aye or naw?

Yo, coconut ice, I'mma let you finish, but macaroons are the best way to get your coconut fix of all time. _Of all time_.

Macaroons!

Macaroons or coconut ice?

Battering and frying a whole pizza is just going a wee bit too far, frankly. Plus they only ever put crap frozen pizzas in the fryer.

Standard pizza

Pizza crunch or standard pizza?

Come on, it's just a melty-hot battered chocolate bar, no need to get aw judgemental. Plus they're proper tasty with ice cream.

Sugary delight!

Fried Mars bars: Sugary delight or national shame?

Tattie scones are delicious, flavourful, soft, and the best way to mop up your breakfast remnants. If you're Scottish and you said hash browns you're basically a bad person. Shame on you. Shame. Shame. \*Rings shame bell\*.

Tattie scones

Tattie scones or hash browns?

Wow, your Scottish opinions are really, really bad. You must make terrible decisions when you go to restaurants. Do you even eat haggis? Shame on you.

Your Scottish food opinions are terrible

Look, let’s be honest: Your Scottish food opinions aren’t that good, but they’re not the worst. If I went round for dinner at your house I’d be a bit worried you’d serve up frozen pizza deep-fried in buckfast and chippy sauce, but I’d still show up. So there’s that.

Your Scottish food opinions are OK

Guid work! You have fantastic food opinions, your decisions are always right, in short, you're a perfect Scot. If we ever redesign our banknotes, they should have a picture of you on them.

Your Scottish food opinions are awesome

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How Wrong Are Your Scottish Food Opinions?

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