How Much Of An Asshole Is Your Dog?

Does your dog use your carpet as toilet paper?

  1. Wikipedia / BuzzFeed

    Tick all the things your dog has done:

    1. Pooed in the house
    2. Pissed on your sofa
    3. Pissed on your bed
    4. Chewed up your furniture
    5. Chewed up their dog bed
    6. Chewed up a toy one second after you bought it
    7. Followed you everywhere
    8. Barked all night
    9. Barked all day
    10. Started a fight with another dog
    11. Dragged their arse along the carpet
    12. Chased a cat
    13. Chased a squirrel
    14. Jumped up at someone and covered them in mud
    15. Refused to come back when you called them
    16. Escaped from your house or garden
    17. Humped another dog
    18. Let another dog hump them
    19. Covered you in drool
    20. Growled at you
    21. Barked at a passerby
    22. Thrown up in the car
    23. Stolen your food while you’re not looking
    24. Stolen chocolate, so you had to take it to the vet
    25. Knocked over something valuable and broke it
    26. Eaten some money or a cheque
    27. Scared the postman
    28. Covered all your favourite stuff in hair
    29. Taken up more of your bed than you do
    30. Watched you have sex
    31. Jumped on you while you were having sex
    32. Howled when shut out of the room because you were having sex, which also put you off
    33. Knocked someone over
    34. Humped your leg
    35. Humped your furniture
    36. Humped a stuffed animal
    37. Got his “lipstick” out at an inappropriate moment
    38. Stole your socks
    39. Farted in your face
    40. Farted so loudly they scared themself
    41. Destroyed something irreplaceable, like a childhood toy
    42. Growled when someone tried to pet them
    43. Pulled you over while you were walking
    44. Rolled in fox, sheep, or horse shit
    45. Rolled in their own shit
    46. Eaten their own poo
    47. Eaten something else’s poo
    48. Stared at you blankly, making you deeply uncomfortable
    49. Shredded a roll of toilet paper
    50. Got up on the couch when they weren’t allowed
    51. Got up on the bed when they weren’t allowed
    52. Forgotten something you literally just trained them to do
    53. Licked your face
    54. Licked the inside of your mouth
    55. You have a sneaking suspicion that they know exactly how badly behaved they’re being
    56. But you can’t help but love them anyway

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Hilary Mitchell is the Scotland editor for BuzzFeed and is based in Edinburgh.
 
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