Pooed in the housePissed on your sofaPissed on your bedChewed up your furnitureChewed up their dog bedChewed up a toy one second after you bought itFollowed you everywhereBarked all nightBarked all dayStarted a fight with another dogDragged their arse along the carpetChased a catChased a squirrelJumped up at someone and covered them in mudRefused to come back when you called themEscaped from your house or gardenHumped another dogLet another dog hump themCovered you in droolGrowled at youBarked at a passerbyThrown up in the carStolen your food while you're not lookingStolen chocolate, so you had to take it to the vetKnocked over something valuable and broke itEaten some money or a chequeScared the postmanCovered all your favourite stuff in hairTaken up more of your bed than you doWatched you have sexJumped on you while you were having sexHowled when shut out of the room because you were having sex, which also put you offKnocked someone overHumped your legHumped your furnitureHumped a stuffed animalGot his "lipstick" out at an inappropriate momentStole your socksFarted in your faceFarted so loudly they scared themselfDestroyed something irreplaceable, like a childhood toyGrowled when someone tried to pet themPulled you over while you were walkingRolled in fox, sheep, or horse shitRolled in their own shitEaten their own pooEaten something else's pooStared at you blankly, making you deeply uncomfortableShredded a roll of toilet paperGot up on the couch when they weren't allowedGot up on the bed when they weren't allowedForgotten something you literally just trained them to doLicked your faceLicked the inside of your mouthYou have a sneaking suspicion that they know exactly how badly behaved they're beingBut you can't help but love them anyway
How Much Of An Asshole Is Your Dog?
Are you sure you have a real dog and not one of those heroic dogs that rescue children from wells? No? It's just well trained? Show off.
Your dog is an angel sometimes, but an asshat when you least expect it. It's OK, though, because you love their asshat ways. It would be nice if they could stop wiping their arse on the carpet though.
Congratulations! Your dog is one of the biggest dicks around. They steal your dinner, get all up in your business and totally rule the roost, but you love them anyway. It would be great if they could stop shitting on things though.