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16 Things About "Buffy" That Make No Sense Now I'm An Adult

This batshit show made perfect sense 20 years ago. Now, not so much.

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1. Let's start with the basics. What kind of name is "Buffy" anyway?

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Have you ever met anyone called Buffy IRL? No, you have not, because it is not a name. Allegedly it's a "diminutive of Elizabeth." Is it balls, unless her full name is Bufflizabeth or something, which it isn't, because that's not a name either.

2. Why was Giles never reported to the authorities?

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Buffy's mom: "You've made a new friend at school! How nice. Who is it?"

Buffy: "A 46-year-old unmarried British librarian with no friends who has a cage in his office and an interest in creepy shit."

Buffy's mom: *Dials 911*

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4. Angel is 225 years older than Buffy. 225 years. Why did no one have an issue with that?

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Sure, Angel looks 26, but he's really three 75-year-olds rolled into one. Imagine the arguments they'd have had about politics. And it's a good job he only ate blood: she'd never have managed to get him to go to a fancy modern restaurant.

6. What the merry fuck is a magic shop?

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When you hear the words "magic shop", you imagine somewhere that sells whoopie cushions and fake vomit, not an ACTUAL magic shop flogging eyeballs in honey, powdered corpse dicks, and demons' bumholes. Because that is not a normal thing, and it would have been shut down by environmental health officers.

7. Giles kept asking Willow to "look (insert demon here) up on the Net." In 1997. How?

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Google wasn't really a thing, and Ask Jeeves probably didn't know much about Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan. Willow was probably just pretending to research demons while she read sexy Home Improvement slash fiction.

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8. What the hell was with The Bronze? Like, at all.

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Sunnydale was a one-horse town, yet it had a HUGE nightclub for children that looked like the Industrial Zone from The Crystal Maze. How did the owners pay their bills? And why didn't these kids just get drunk in bus shelters like normal teens? Smh.

9. And why did they all go there pretty much every single night of the year?

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There must have been more enjoyable things to do than listen to mediocre grunge bands called "Poopy and the Goldfish" and wait for the next vampire attac...oh wait, no there wasn't. The internet was shit back then. Never mind.

11. Why did Buffy dress like a middle-aged HR manager called Karen in the later series?

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Was there a phase where we all dressed like an angry woman who wants to speak to the manager in the '90s? Or was that trend just in California?

12. How could Buffy afford to live in this LITERAL PALACE after her mom died (R.I.P. Joyce).

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Those schemes where you earn $$$$s hadn't been invented then, and neither had PPI claims. Maybe she got loads of monster insurance money every time a vampire wrecked it. Also lol at the idea of any under 30-year-old owning a house.

13. How come Sunnydale High had Downton Abbey’s library?

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It's a public high school built over a portal to hell: No way would it have enough funding for this level of fancy-ass furniture and expensive books. If this programme about a teenager who fights vampires were in any way realistic, Giles' "library" would just be a plastic box with some old Judy Blume novels in it.

14. The vampires were constantly getting their arses handed to them by Buffy, why didn't they avoid her?

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There's only one slayer (sort of), so why didn't all the toothy sods just move away from her home town? Sure, the Hellmouth drew them in, but it also contained a vampicidal teenager who dressed like a mum. Maybe resist the urge, lads.

15. How come Giles was the only person in the gang that had a car? And why was it so shit?

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Don’t all American teenagers have cars? Aren’t they born in cars? And why did Giles choose to drive around in something that looked like it belonged to Mr. Bean? So many questions. And no, that's not the real number plate.

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