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    Jul 25, 2016

    21 Reasons Glasgow Is Totally Fucking Shit Compared To London

    Thinking of moving to Glasgow? Don't. London's miles better.

    1. If you move to Glasgow instead of London, you'll never be able to go to quirky pop-ups in cool places.

    Flickr: campovisivoeh / Creative Commons

    Ignore this photo of Heverlee at Tontine Lane. Everyone knows we don't do this sort of thing in Glasgow. We just go to Greggs! Haha!

    2. Or dance at vibrant, lively outdoor festivals.

    3. You won't be able to get a good job in Glasgow.

    Flickr: 99408200@N05 / Creative Commons

    Everyone knows that the only way to get a job with the BBC is to move to London and spend all your time fighting the crowds at Oxford Circus.

    4. Glaswegians rarely do anything to help others.

    What a legend this taxi driver is! #GeorgeSquare #Glasgow #PeopleMakeGlasgow

    We just look out for ourselves.

    5. We don't have a good sense of humour, either.

    Unlike Londoners, Glaswegians are dour, bad-tempered, and unfunny. Our pub signs are a case in point.

    6. Glasgow rents are a bit cheaper, but would you really want to live in a dive like this?

    Such a cheek charging £665 a month for this Glasgow waterfront flat with a pool.

    7. And buying a house in Glasgow is virtually impossible.

    Can you believe someone's trying to charge £130,000 for this shithole? Sure, it has three bedrooms, wooden floors, an open fire, and a garden, but urgh.

    8. We definitely don't have any cool or colourful markets to rival Borough or Spitalfields.

    Flickr: campovisivoeh / Creative Commons

    Just the odd car boot sale where you can pick up a second-hand Kappa tracksuit. This photo of a stall at a Glasgow market was clearly photoshopped.

    9. Or awesome street art.

    10. Everyone knows that Glasgow is ugly, and grimy.

    Flickr: diversey / Creative Commons

    Sure, it's got character, but it's just not visually appealing at all. Just look at this depressing shot of Glasgow Museum of Modern Art. Smh.

    11. It's really gritty and industrial as well.

    Flickr: slack12 / Creative Commons

    London has lots of charming corners, but you won't find any cute wee lanes in Glasgow, that's for sure. Um, apart from the one in this photo. And a few others.

    12. And there are loads of hard-hearted, tough, and uncaring people lurking around.

    Facebook: Joewilson

    You wouldn't want to run into Daniel or Joe from Hillhead in Glasgow, they sound horrible. You're definitely better off in London.

    13. You won't find any good museums in Glasgow.

    Flickr: 118118485@N05 / Creative Commons

    They're not really a thing here. Just look at how crap Kelvingrove Museum looks. We Glaswegians just spend all our time boozing, right? We don't need culture.

    14. Or any fancy restaurants either.

    Twitter: @twofatladies88

    Don't let this dessert platter from Michelin Guide listed restaurant Two Fat Ladies fool you. If you moved here, you'd have to live on kebabs and munchy boxes.

    15. Not to mention interesting cafés.

    16. It goes without saying, but London's parks are better than any you'll find in grotty old Glasgow.

    Flickr: dalbera

    Just look at the state of this historic Victorian walled garden in Bellahouston Park. Disgraceful. You definitely wouldn't want to eat your steak bake lunch here.

    17. London is easy to escape, unlike Glasgow.

    Flickr: 99408200@N05 / Creative Commons

    It takes 45 whole minutes to get here on the train. What a joke. Plus as you can see Loch Lomond is rubbish anyway so what's even the point??

    18. There's no real music scene in Glasgow either.

    I mean, just look at how empty King Tut's is in this photo. All we do is blast happy hardcore out of our phone speakers on the top deck of buses.

    19. Plus, people in Glasgow don't really know how to have a good time.

    Your nights out will be bland, dull, and you'll be in bed by 9. And even if you do manage to get tickets to, say, one of these Fly warehouse parties, you definitely won't make any crazy new friends or end up sleeping on the subway.

    20. In fact, there's nothing interesting to do at all.

    21. To be honest, it's basically just one big, ugly, concrete housing estate.

    Seriously, just choose London instead.

    As you can see, it's miles better.

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