1. Firstly, it rains all the time in Scotland, as you know.
Which means you certainly can't plan an outdoor wedding.
2. Yes, the skies in Scotland are never, ever blue.
This is clearly photoshopped.
3. So this lochside ceremony is definitely imaginary.
If it looks like a fairytale, that's because it is.
4. And if rain did appear, it would ruin your photos.
See? There's definitely nothing incredible, moody, or romantic about this coastal wedding on the Isle of Skye.
5. The indoor venues aren't worth considering.
Like The Byre At Inchyra, which definitely isn't adorable or quaint.
6. Castles are a big no-no, too.
Sure they might look majestic, but what about all the ghosts? Not worth the risk.
7. The countryside is dull and driech.
The mirror-still waters of Loch Long in Arrochar are a case in point.
8. And cities don't offer a pretty backdrop either.
Can you imagine getting married in Glasgow? Haha! Oh wait, hang on...
9. OK, maybe getting married in Glasgow is alright.
But only when the light is like this, and at no other times.
10. You won't find any quirky venues dotted around.
Well, apart from Roulotte Retreat in the Borders. And some others. But that's it.
11. Plus even if you found somewhere you liked, it's not like you can just get married anywhere.
Oh, actually you can. Scottish law allows couples to marry anywhere as long as the ceremony is conducted by a religious official, registrar, or a non-religious Humanist Society Scotland celebrant.
12. If you got married in Scotland, your guests might want to wear kilts.
And we all know how unappealing they are.
13. Or play bagpipes. Can you imagine?
You don't want to feel stirred or patriotic on your big day, surely.
14. And what would the bride even wear?
Not this tartan wedding dress, with a silk underskirt, ruffles, and laces. No siree.
15. There certainly aren't any deeply romantic ancient traditions in Scotland.
Like handfasting, performed by a Seanachaidh.
16. Cutting your cake with a Scottish sword? Nah.
Sure, it'll make you feel like you're a member of some kind of ancient royal family, but why would you want to look like a king or queen on your wedding day?
17. Remote bothies aren't really that romantic.
Hmm. OK maybe this one is, but it's probably the exception to the rule.
18. And Scottish flowers make terrible decorations..
Bleurgh.
19. Who would want to get married on a boat in the middle of Loch Lomond? No one, that's who.
Well, this extremely happy couple, I suppose. But just them.
20. Admit it: you want to spend your big day in a huge country mansion in the Cotswolds, surely?
And definitely not at Lunga House in Craobh Haven, Argyll.
21. In short, you don't want to get married in Scotland.
Please ignore this radiant photo. Move along. Nothing to see here. 💕
22. Nope, it's just not a deeply romantic place at all.
*CRIES*
Thanks to Lindsay Mackenzie, The Kitcheners, Neil Douglas, Caroline Weiss, Eilidh Robertson, Brian O’Neill, Jen Owens, and Mirrorbox Photography.
