Can You Set Your Time Travel Machine To The Right Date?
You travel back to 1885, to Arizona. "Oh wow," you think. "The Old West! How cool. I could become a cowboy, unless I'm a woman or a person of colour, in which case I'm going to have a terrible time." As you're walking towards the town's saloon, a burly cowboy bursts through the door. "You're a stranger!" he shouts. Then he shoots you because they don't like strangers around these here parts. Bad luck.
You materialise on the streets of New York in the roaring 1920s. You walking along Broadway when a policeman blows his whistle. "Hey, you! What the heck are you wearing?" You look down at your bralette and cut off shorts, sigh, and get sentenced to 10 days in prison. But on the bright side you get to share a cell with Mae West.
The time travel machine transports you to San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, which is absolutely packed to the rafters with hippies getting blasted on LSD. "Amazing, I'll get to experience the real 1960s!" you think. Seven hours later, you're listening to a man called Gandalf talk about how a caterpillar is definitely his reincarnated father and wishing you could go home.
You land in 1600s London. "Oh cool," you say. "Maybe I'll take in a play by Shakespeare...wait...what's that massive crowd of people running away from? Oh, it's a huge fire. A great fire, in fact. A great fire...of London. Shit."
You pop up in Memphis, Tennessee. It's a bright, chilly, December day and you're outside a recording studio called Sun Records. You pop inside, and OMFG it's ELVIS GOD DAMN PRESLEY, and he's recording a quartet with Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, and Jerry Lee Lewis. "Hey, c'mon in," they say. "Have a beer. Can you play the piano?" Fuck yes. You win at life for all eternity.
The time machine takes you to a beautiful, peaceful tropical island in the South Pacific. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, a huge mushroom cloud suddenly appears on the horizon, the waves are crashing against the beach. Wait, what? Oh shi....
You're transported to the edge of a great big field in England. It's covered in dead English people, and very smug-looking French people. "Zut alors!" they cry. "Nous avons finally conquered the English et claimed the country as our own...hang on, who the jeeping fuck is that?" They shoot you with arrows for a bit, then throw you into King William's dungeon. Ouch.
The last ice age ended around 12,000 years ago, but you get unlucky and just manage to catch the last little bit of it, and it doesn't help that you're wearing a crop top tbh. On the bright side, your body will be found by modern-day archaeologists and they'll have a good laugh at your expense.
Bad luck. The planet Earth actually formed 4.543 billion years ago, so there's nothing there to actually stand on. A few aliens do pass by, but they can't be bothered to offer you a lift. Sorry.