61 British Sentences That Will Confuse The Fuck Out Of Everyone Else

    “You look like you had fun last night!” – You look like you slept in a bin. Inspired by @SoVeryBritish.

    1. "It's not quite what I had in mind." – What the bloody hell is this?

    2. "That's a bit off."
    – I will never forgive you for what you just said.

    3. "Oh yes, he's a lot of fun."
    – He's an absolute nightmare.

    4. "They're fine once you get to know them." – They're arseholes.

    5. "It rings a bell." – I have no idea what you're talking about.

    6. "Fancy a drink?" – Fancy staying out until 3am and waking up with your face glued to a kebab?

    7. “We’re going on a date.” — We’re getting pissed together.

    8. "I got a bit tipsy last night." – I drank 17 pints and then punched a police horse.

    9. “Picnic” — Daytime piss-up.

    10. “Barbecue” — Piss-up in the garden.

    11. “It got a bit lively.” – The police were called.

    12. “I’m doing Drynuary.” – I’ve stopped drinking during the day.

    13. "I'm a bit tired." – I'm hungover.

    14. "I'm feeling a bit under the weather, to be honest." – I have alcohol poisoning.

    15. "I'm a tad poorly." – Kill me.

    16. "You look like you had fun last night!" – You look like you slept in a bin.

    17. "It's OK, we've not been here long either." – We've been here for ages and we'll never forgive you for keeping us waiting.

    18. "Yes, it's great, I love it." – I am very dismayed by this haircut.

    19. "Anyway, it was lovely to meet you." – Please go away now.

    20. "I'll let you get on."
    – Seriously mate, piss off.

    21. "I might pop along."
    – I'm probably not coming.

    22. "I'll see how I feel."
    – I'm definitely not coming.

    23. "I tried to call you." – I let the phone ring twice and then hung up.

    24. "It's totally fine if you can't make it." – I don't want you to come.

    25. "It could be worse." – No, it couldn't.

    26. "I'll have a word with them about it." – I'll never mention this to them.

    27. "It is what it is." – I can't be bothered to fix this thing, so stop complaining.

    28. "Truth be told, I'm a little bit miffed." – I'm going to stab someone.

    29. "Want to have lunch together?"
    – Want to run to Greggs and back in the rain?

    30. "It was OK, but I wouldn't order it again."
    – This meal was horrible, deeply disappointing, and shit.

    31. "Did I give you enough cash?" – Give me my change. Now.

    32. "With the greatest respect..." – I think you're an idiot.

    33. "Well, it can't hurt, I suppose." – You're making a huge mistake.

    34. "Maybe I'm not explaining it properly." – I am explaining it properly, you're just dim.

    35. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
    – It's not my problem.

    36. "It's a step in the right direction." – But it's still rubbish.

    37. "Very interesting." – You're talking bollocks.

    38. "Don't quote me on that." – Don't blame me if the vague, half-made-up information I just passed on backfires on you.

    39. "It was working a minute ago." – You've broken it.

    40. "Don't worry, it's probably my fault." – It's definitely your fault.

    41. "You should come over for dinner sometime." – I will never invite you over for dinner.

    42. "Ooh, I could get used to this!" – Something very faintly luxurious has just happened, e.g. being offered a cup of tea.

    43. "Can you pop it in an email?" – Please stop talking.

    44. "That's a very good question." – One that I don't know the answer to.

    45. "Can I borrow you for a second?" – You're in deep shit.

    46. "Now, don't be alarmed, but..." – Be very, very alarmed.

    47. "Let's agree to disagree."
    – I'm obviously right, but I've run out of things to say.

    48. "Look, let's just forget it." – I will never, ever forget this.

    49. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be." – I have no idea what to say about the crushing disappointment you've just experienced.

    50. "Oh, hi! Sorry, I didn't see you there."
    – I was actively trying to avoid you.

    51. "Well, that's not quite what happened." – Will your lies never end?

    52. "There's been a bit of a mix-up." – I've ruined all of your plans and destroyed everything you hold dear.

    53. "Only if you're making one."
    – Why yes, I desperately want a cup of tea.

    54. "It's up to you." – You'd better pick the thing I want to do.

    55. "Could do, I suppose." – No.

    56. “Sorry.” — I’m not sorry.

    57. "I don't mind." – I do mind.

    58. "It's OK." – It's not OK.

    59. "I'm fine." – I'm fine.

    60. "I'm fine." – I'm furious.

    61. "I'm fine!" – My whole life is in tatters. Please bring me a drink.

    Inspired by @SoVeryBritish. You can buy "More British Problems" by Rob Temple here.


    This post has been updated to include a credit in order to meet BuzzFeed’s attribution standards.