First things first, we have to give you a bit of credit for inventing Tim Tams.
They're damn good biscuits (although they're not as good as Penguins) and that thing you do where you suck hot chocolate through them? Inspired.
But what the ever-living fuck were you thinking when you decided to spread Marmite on dry Weetabix?
As if that wasn't bad enough, some of you absolute horrors mix Vegemite and strawberry jam.
But even that isn't grim enough for you, so you had to invent the pie floater.
In fact, you've taken your obsession with pies much further than any rational, sane country would ever go.
Then there's the equally big issue of the truly fucked-up things you do to your burgers.
For some insane reason, you insist on adding beetroot, egg, and/or pineapple rings to them. You've even forced McDonald's to take part in this degrading practice. For shame, Australia. Everyone knows that the only acceptable burger toppings are cheese, double cheese, bacon, and cheese and bacon.
Oh yeah, and let's not forget fairy bread.
And the weirdness that is the Bunnings Sausage Sizzle, served on the same shit bread.
First of all: Don't buy fast food from overheated tents in hardware store car parks. Second of all: Open Google. Look up "hot dog buns". You're welcome.
Seriously though, Australia, are you OK?
No, really. You don't seem so good.
Australia, you're clearly very drunk. It's time to go home.
